Yaz Depression

I have never been one to be depressed and I have been on yaz before I lost weight since it is good for PCOS so I had no idea what hit me last month.  My doctor warned me that some women have issues mentally with YAZ but I let him know that I have used it before and was fine.  I explained that part before but it really was crazy.  Since my meds weren't delivered in time for me to start my packet for November I missed a month and I felt normal again.  A few days ago in prep for my period and starting my meds again I did a google search and when I typed Yaz the autofill put in depression.  This amazed, comforted and worried me all at the same time.  Amazed because, holy crap, it is that common.  Comforted because I did not in fact go crazy or emo and it worries me because I don't want to go through another month like that again.  Several people said that after a few months it goes away as your body gets used to the hormone so I am grateful for that and I will keep on it for a few more months.  I have only been on it for a few days and I am already starting to feel that darkness creeping in.  The up side this month is that I am prepared for it and that will make it easier to understand and accept.  Before it was so out of the blue I honestly didn't know what to do in life.  I was crying all the time, I felt like my life was crappy and I wasn't being the best mom or wife either.  I was just a huge mess.  I am posting this in hopes that anyone that is starting this pill and feeling the same way can see that it will be ok and that your life is not falling apart in front of you.  I have no idea why the meds are reacting differently this time around other than I am 80 lbs lighter but I do like yaz and it does help with a lot of my PCOS and PPMS problems.  Lets just hope Emo Des stays in hiding for the holidays.

I would like to know if any of you have had similar experiences with any meds and how you handled it. 

So glad it is november

October was a rough month for me.  I was put back on some medication for hormones and it threw me into a whirlwind of hormonal chaos.  I ended october mentally and emotionally drained.  I am feeling much better since my period and I think (hope) I am adjusting to the new levels of hormones.  Really it is just birth control pills but the doctor did warn me that the ones I am taking mess people up.  I didn't believe him but, crap, I will listen next time.  I was so messed up I stopped working out and that did not help my mood issues.  I talked to my husband and he is going to help with my to do lists so that I get more personal time and this includes at least 30 minutes a day for working out.  Whether it is soothing like yoga or cuss inducing like cardio either way it gives my brain a moment to shut off and focus on me. 

I do want to let you guys know that I had the biggest NSV this past month and ironically it happened on my one year bandiversary.  My husband came home and saw me walking around in some old jeans (size 28) and told me to hop in the car we were going jean shopping.  I didn't argue but when we got in the car I asked what brought that on and he told me I looked like MC hammer with the crotch of my pants at me knees!  I laughed so hard and even did the hammer dance for him. (he almost peed himself).  So off to the store we went.  I figured since the 28's stayed on my hip as long as I didn't make any sudden movements that I would try a 26 ( I knew I was a 24 but jeans always fit weird on me since I am bottom heavy) but they were too big so I got a 24 and they were too big.  I very cautiously asked Mike to get me a 22, I thought that I was crazy to even think I was now a 22 but he had not one doubt and went and got the size I needed.  I put them on and shrieked a bit (he laughed when he heard that) and was shocked that I am in a size 22.  Yeah, that is right, I am now in a size 22 down from a 30/32 a year ago.  I was so thrilled I picked up a skirt too.  I love NSV's!!!!!!!!

Bandiversary!

I made it!  Tomorrow will be my one year anniversary with my band.  I also hit another milestone today at finally losing 75 lbs.  I had hoped a year ago that I would have lost 100 lbs by this time but I am proud of what I have done and what I have learned in the past year.  I am going to do a bullets list of what I have learned as a banded woman.

• This is my race and I can't compare my journey to anyone Else's.
• I am still addicted to food.
• I am still not addicted to working out.
• I still mentally see myself as a fat girl and I am surprised when I see just how much smaller I really am.
• I can survive by only eating until I am satisfied.
• It is ok to have treats but a whole bag of M&Ms does not cut it.   Portion everything out before eating.
• Seafood is really good.  ( hated it before my band)
• If I don't push myself I will stay the same and sometimes when I am done pushing I need my husband to push.
• I still have a long way to go but I am starting to feel like me again.
• 5" heels hurt no matter what size you are but they hurt less when you don't weigh 300 lbs.
• I will need plastic surgery to remove extra skin when it is all said and done.
• People will hate no matter what you do so don't stress about them.
• Make sure you are changing your life because you want to and not because you think you should.  That is what helps you stick to it.

Here are the most recent NSVs that I have had since hitting 75lbs

• I can walk around the state fair for 8 hours without wanting to die.
• I once again have to go buy new underwear and blue jeans
• My back doesn't hurt all the time anymore..... just when I am sitting wonky at my desk.
• I can wear my husbands clothes (this was a big one for me)
• I scheduled a family photo shoot for November (again a big thing for me)
• I am finding more of myself.  I am putting effort into dressing up and I am feeling sexy again.
• I am not the biggest person in my office or my church or anywhere anymore ( vain and shallow I know but it means a lot to a fat girl)

My next mini goal- 100 lbs lost

I really do want to thank everyone that has supported me this past year and helping me find the new me.  I hope that the next year shows continued loss of weight and gain of confidence. 

Desiree

Where is our celebrity advocate?

I really want to know the answer to my question.  Where are all the advocates for fat people?  There is an advocate for almost everyone out there but overweight people.  Oh, there are plenty of advocates telling us we are fat and need to loose weight, which is fine, but no one is taking a stand against bullies.  This has always been a hot topic for me since I have been overweight most of my life but it has just kept building in me as I see more and more celebrities telling us we can't call this person this or that person that but no one is saying stop hurting fat people.  It seems that everyone is caught up on PC but not all groups deserve this right. 

The thing that broke my back happened in the waiting room of my doctors office yesterday.  I was sitting there waiting  to be seen and a young lady, about 18 years old, came in and sat down across from me.  I looked at her and read her shirt which said "you look fat when you cry".  I am used to this sort of thing and never say anything but as I kept waiting to be called it just kept building in me.  Is it not all over the news to love each other and to not put negative things out that could offend others?  Sure there is but only if you are not fat.  I finally could not keep quiet any longer  and decided to politely let this young lady know how her shirt made me feel.  Who knows, maybe she is clueless and just didn't realize that it could be taken offensively.  SO I asked her if I could ask her a question and that I did not wish to offend her.  She said sure and so I asked her why she chose to wear a shirt that basically says fat people are ugly.  She looked at me and said that she wore it because it was funny and she bought it from a comedian that she has seen and loves that joke.  I asked her if she would wear that shirt if it said "you look gay/ black, Asian/ big eared...etc.... when you cry"  She quickly responded that she would not ever wear that because it would be rude.  I then asked her if she did not think it was offensive to overweight people like myself.  She again just said that she found it funny.  So I then asked her if she felt that wearing things that hurt others is ok as long as it is funny.  She said no but continued to back up that it was funny and part of an act that she liked.  My name was then called and I left her to her indeed clueless thoughts.

I have several overweight nieces and nephews that are tormented at school by people like this that believe that it is ok to make fun of them because it is funny.  Why?  Why is it ok and considered funny for fat kids but not for others to be bullied?  I know that everyone still gets made fun of but it seems as thought everyone else has someone saying that it is wrong but those poor overweight kids just have people saying that they are disgusting, a burden on the health care system and need to lose weight.  I understand the need for advocating weight loss, I am doing it now, but should we not also advocate acceptance of those that are overweight too.  How about instead of every bully news story being about gay, minority or religious kids, how about we feature what the fat kid is feeling when they are afraid to eat in the cafeteria because people will make fun of them.  Or maybe even show them in their bedroom crying because they have no friends and don't feel accepted by anyone because they are overweight.  I don't know any kid that says "I want to be fat"  most of these kids are overweight because of the environment they are raised in or because of health issues so why pick on them?  Why point fingers at them by the government telling the world that they are a burden?  Why in the world can we not teach acceptance of all?  I am fat and I am tired of sitting back and biting my tongue when I hear fat jokes, read negative comments on shirts or see people look down on me.  I am no longer going to sit by and not speak up for myself in hopes that somewhere in that person's sad, messed up hate filled mind there is still a spark of humanity that hears what I say.  I know it won't make a difference but I am now confident enough in myself as an overweight American to stand up and say I have rights too.  I have the right to eat in public without being mocked, I have the right to dance without being afraid that I will look fat and I have the right to know that little kids that are overweight will be loved not hated.  So again I ask, Who will stick up for us?  Will you?  Will anyone?  There is no one but ourselves and that is why it has not stopped.  We are too sad, embarrassed and scared to stand up and tell the world that they have no right to treat us that way.  

I am sorry if this offended anyone but it has been building for over 15 years.  I was that kid that was made fun of and teased.  I didn't have many friends because I was afraid of being hurt again when I heard the mockery and laughter.  So I hope you will excuse this moment of sadness and outburst.  And for the first time I will use my name on this blog because I am not going to hide any longer.   I am Desiree and I am asking for someone to stand up for me and those like me, I am asking for acceptance.  That is all. 

- Week

277.7

Crap, yeah, I will take a pound!  So glad to finally get the number moving again.  I hate plateaus but they have been so much a part of this journey.  I guess I am in the mid west or something.  This week really has been great for me on all levels.

Week in evaluation

Food- last week of Adkins and it went well.  It did just what I needed it to which was to remind me of what I need to be eating and to help get moving.  I am not snacking anymore and am taking the time I need,  The next step in my back to basics plan is to start introducing carbs back in responsibly in a good bandster way.

Water- still chugging and peeing at alarming rates

Workouts- I am now running 5 out of the 8 minute runs in week one of C25K and next week plan to make it 6 out of 8.  Slowly I will be running more.  I really hate it while I am running but after I really love it.  I know crazy but that is me.  I also ordered a fat girls Pilates dvd and my love said he would do it with me so I wouldn't feel like I was wasting us time.  I know he is the best man for me!

Mentally- again great.  I am starting to realize I am not as fat as I was.  My husband pulled up my Stats page and we compared my measurements now and then and weight and it is amazing.  I actually don't worry about sitting in a chair and it breaking anymore (well now I will just because I cursed myself) I am also wearing sexy shoes again and dare I say.....Feel sexy when I where them, not like miss piggy squished in a pair of shoes but like Me rocking some screw me pumps!

I hope that all of you are feeling proud and great about the progress you have made so far.  Every pound is a pound no matter how slow or long it took to go away and we should celebrate that.  Thanks again you guys for all the comments and support I truly could not be doing this without you all!

I am the turtle......

If you haven't figured it out yet, I am a fat girl, even after losing 70 lbs I am still 120lbs over my suggested weight.  This should also lead you to the conclusion that I am not a very athletic person either.  I have never been very athletic in my life.  Sure, I enjoyed playing sports while growing up and loved to get out and do things but did I ever feel the desire to regularly be active in exercise.....no.  This having been said in the past year I have been fighting that part of me and have been trying to find workouts that I enjoy enough to keep doing.  So far I know that I love weight lifting, thanks to my brother in law for teaching me how to safely lift.  That leaves me with a cardio workout to find.  I do my elliptical just because it is convenient and not too bad but I don't find myself enjoying it or even looking forward to the one on one time with it.  In fact, to be honest when I am on it I feel a bit like a hamster on its wheel and it doesn't help that I have three kids that think it is fun to watch me while I am on it.  All I need is a little water bottle suspended from the ceiling and some woodchips on the floor to absorb the sweat and I am good to go.  This being said, I am still on the look out for my cardio workout. 

I have vivid dreams and can remember a lot of them and something I noticed lately is that in those dreams I am a runner.  A fat runner but still a runner.  You would think that I could at least dream that I am skinny but, alas, that is not allowed.  In those dreams I feel the wind sliding past my face and the steady rhythm of my breathing as the miles pass beneath my feet.  My heart is steady and my body feels electrified and graceful, I am a runner.  Like any good dream analyzer I assumed that this was a divine calling from above to tell me that running is the cardio for me to try next.  So, I have strapped on my running shoes and hit the trail with iPhone in hand and C25K app loaded, why, because I am now a runner.

Well, that is what I thought.  With my dream runner image in my head I headed out to start my program to become a runner and I learned two things about myself that day.  The first thing I learned was that I am not a natural runner and the second thing I learned was that real life is not the same as dreaming when it comes to fitness. 

I started out motivated and energized as I completed my 5 minute warm up walk and when the voice on my app told me it was time to run I said "let's do this!" and I started up.  I quickly figured out that this was not going to be easy and in fact I might just die before I finished.  My feet start slapping the pavement loudly and sweat starts to pour from my body.  I start to wheeze and try to remember in through the nose and out through the mouth but eventually say screw it and start gulping for air.  My heart, oh my poor heart, it starts trying to beat its way out of my chest and my legs are starting to melt in pain and agony.  This is not how it was supposed to feel was it?????  Please I beg of you computerized calm lady voice tell me it has been a minute!!!!!!!!!!  A few seconds later the smug, skinny sounding voice says that I can walk now.  I slow down to a walk and I am giving thanks to my maker that I am alive and then like childbirth I start to forget the agony that the past minute dished out and start to think that maybe it wasn't so bad, maybe just maybe in a minute and a half my next run will be better.  I was wrong.  It was worse and the next and then the next got progressively worse.  I wanted to kill the cold hearted witch on the app and then roll over on a grassy hill somewhere and let nature take its course on my poor fat body.  It got so bad that I had to call it quits.  I was about to pass out, the world was spinning and in 30 minutes I only made it 1/2 mile. 

WHAT, a half a mile!!!!!  How can that be if I was running for a little of that.  I quickly realized that I am a slow runner.  So slow in fact that I walk faster than I run and the more tired I get the more slowly I run.  Yeah, I think that by the fourth run I was actually just bouncing in place in a dazed stupor imagining the earth moving beneath me.  It is sad just how slow I am.  My heart rate was up, I was bouncing but I was not really moving.  It was disheartening.  I have since done 2 more sessions and have tweaked the C25K program for my needs and have even upped myself from a half a mile to a whole mile.  As sad as it sounds I am excited that I am at a mile now.  Sigh, my poor slow turtle butt.  I am still on week one of the program and will be on week one until I can actually run 8 minutes out of 30 but like the turtle in that famous race I will win this.  I will be the slowest runner in the world and I will be thinking words in my head about that stupid voice on my app that no lady would ever utter aloud but I will be running.  Can you call it running?  Well, I will be bouncing rhythmically around the track anyways. 

I was curious as to whether or not the slow running was even going to be worth it so here are a few articles I found in my search.  I know this post is long but I did searching for fat people that run and didn't really find anything out there and I just want anyone else out there that is like me to know that you are not the only turtle in the race and that I will be finishing right behind you so keep that pace and finish.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Why-Run-Slow?&id=515944

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/17/arts/17slowrun.html?_r=1&ref=health

= week

278.8

Technically, it is - .1 pounds but I am not considering .1 a loss.  I guess it could have been worse since my body is gearing up for TOM but for the work I put in it would have been nice to see more of a lose.  The main thing is that I can answer to myself that I did try my hardest. 

Week in evaluation:

Water-  Great!  I am getting at least 60 oz or more a day.  My only issue is that I am peeing at least 2 times an hour.  I guess I can count the extra trips to the bathroom as exercise. 

Workouts:  I am doing much better on this one.  I was able to get out and c25k on tuesday and thursday and will do it again tomorrow.  Next week I will be doing weights on monday and friday too.  I will say this,  I am still not able to do week 1 of the C25K but I am getting closer.  I am up to 4 runs out of the 8.  Next week I am adding more and hopefully in a few weeks I will be ready for the C25K.  I told my husband I should come up with a C2C25k for people that are 100 lbs overweight so that they don't feel like idiots because they can't run for a minute straight from the couch.  I am up to a minute but I have to walk longer between runs but when I started I could barely make it 30 seconds so this is a good improvement. 

Food:  I did really good with my back to basics all but one day.  I came home from work and had just  few minutes to eat before we were out the door and so I got stuck and that meant I had to eat a band friendly food that slipped by without problems and as you know most of those are high in carbs.  I guess it will only get harder as I get closer to TOM but I will go shopping this weekend for some low carb band friendly things.  I just wan't prepared enough.

Mental:  Like I said on Wednesday, as long as I can honestly say that I did my best I will not complain (at least too loudly) about how slow it comes off.  I do wish it wasn't so slow but at least I am getting healthier. 

Why do Bandsters sometimes fail?

I was checking my email this morning and I saw an email from the OCC.  I always love the "tips from Dr. Ortiz" emails because they usually remind me of what I need to be doing.  Today's tip was no different.  I am going to post some of his email and then what I think about it. 

Having weight-loss surgery (WLS)  is not just the end of a less than ideal weight and life style, it is really the beginning of a completely new way of life. It starts by a procedure that assists you "temporarily" to lose the excess weight that would not budge to conventional methods.

This was the opening statement and it hit home pretty hard since that is what I am focusing on this month with my back to basics diet.  I remember a year ago before I had the surgery that it seemed so magical and that if I could only make it to my surgery everything would be fixed in my life.  The wieght would melt away.  Oh, don't get me wrong I did my research and knew that I was going to have to do my part too but it did not stop me from still believing in fairy god mothers for fatties. 

If you are proactive about your weight-loss and help the procedure out by following guidelines and making some small but key modifications in your eating patterns and habits, you will add to this number 30% effectiveness or more. On the other hand if you sabotage the procedure especially early on when most of the weight-loss happens you will actually diminish its effectiveness by half or more.

Here he has a subtle reminder to us that if we are not following the guidelines then we are sabotaging ourselves.  It doesn't hurt anyone if I eat band friendly foods that slide past and no one but me is going to lose if I miss a work out. 

The patients I saw failing were the ones that wanted the procedure to do all the work.  Procedures can't change habits or select foods for you or even make you go to the gym. If you don't use the tool when it is available to you, it won't have the same effectiveness down the line. If you are a patient thinking of having surgery keep this in mind. If you recently had surgery ....live by it. If you already had surgery and were successful you know this to be true. And if you are struggling, well it is time to have a sincere talk in the mirror and ask yourself....... Have I done my best?

Have I done my best?  I can say with honesty that for all but the past two months I really have but since June things started to slip into the crazy days of summer and old habits came back.  I guess it is time for me to ask myself everynight before I go to bed if I have done my best.  If the answer is no then I have no one to blame but myself.  If the answer is yes then it doesn't matter how slowly the weight comes off because I know that I am doing my part.

I hope that this gives y'all some, low carb, food for thought.

- week

278.7    (70lbs lost!)

I MADE IT!!!!! No, not my overall goal weight but to 70 lbs!  I have been stuck at 68 lbs for 2 months and it was time to kick it up a notch and start the numbers moving again.  As I posted before I am doing a 2 week back to basics diet.  I am eating low carb (best for me) and focusing on water intake, snacking and how I eat.  I noticed over the past month that I was grazing all day instead of eating set meals with a few snacks.  Even though I wasn't eating a lot at a given time it was a constant intake of food and to be honest a lot of it wasn't even healthy.  With how busy and hot it was this summer I slowly started adjusting to what was easier and not what was best for me.  When I noticed this I decided that on my decision date anniversary I would go back to the basics and so far (a week in) I have learned a lot. 

I did not realize even when I decided to do this just how off course I had gotten until that first day.  I would not even be hungry but the mental desire to snack was ingrained and taking over.  I am embarrassed to admit this but I was a crabby lady for the first 2 days.  I missed my little indulgences of a cookie here or a chip there and was not satisfied with my turkey slice here or string cheese there.  By the third day things started to click back into the normal slots.  I started to remember that I could still have cookies and chips and candy but not in the way that I was doing it the past few weeks.  I need to make sure that those things are in my diet occasionally like once or twice a week and not daily (or even several times daily). I am very glad that I caught myself before the bad habits took root and I had to go through the whole mental fight that I had a year ago.

The one thing that did not get going this week was my exercising.  I sat down with my husband and we came up with a schedule for me to workout.  I told him that I needed time to workout because without it I was only doing half of what needs to be done to be healthy.  Our schedule is crazy busy with both of us working full time, him going to night school for a masters degree, 3 kids in various activities and then church calling on top of that , it is no wonder that this summer working out started to slip on the priority line.  However, It is right back up there and now that my cold is moving out and the love of my life and I have set up a schedule I will be right back in it next week. 

Here we go with my week in evaluation

Food:  I did really well and after the mental hunger was addressed things got much easier.  I did not realize how much I had started eating past my band. 

Water- very well.  I have a 30 oz water bottle and I am drinking two of those a day plus other liquids

Exercise:  not good.

Mental:  I had a few mental break through this week that have made me more aware of myself.  I thought that after a year of eating different that I knew it all and was cured of my bad habits but a busy summer proved that even if the fat girl is disappearing the bad habits are always lurking. 

Thanks again to all the followers and blog friends that help keep me accountable and are also my unpaid therapist.  This blog and your blogs really do help me and give me that extra push to do what is best.  If I am not following your blog please send me the link.  It takes a village to make a girl Healthy!

Taking that Leap

I realized last week that today is the year mark from my decision date.  It was the day that I decided that I was done with hating my self image, being embarrassed all the time and most importantly done with not being in control of my own life and health.  It took me an hour to work up the nerves to call the OCC and get set up for a date and to work with the nutritionist.  It was such a hard thing for me to do but it felt like I was freeing myself at the same time.  I am sure those of you that have made the same call know what I am talking about.  I was setting a date for when I was going to be in control of my own health and that I was going to win this war. 

I started my presurgery diet immediately since I had to lose a good amount in order to safely have the surgery.  I was told to do the low carb diet with shakes and lots of green veggies and protein.  It made it easier to follow since I knew that it would not be forever.  I think that is what always ended a "diet" for me in the first place.  Who wants to never eat carbs again, or only eat 1000 calories a day or only eat raw foods for the rest of your life.  Eventually, I would become depressed at the thought of never being able to have ice cream again and fall of the wagon.  I am glad that I no longer have to worry about that.  I do eat differently now but it is not a diet.  I eat smaller portions and try to keep them within the healthy range of things but I understand that there will be cake and ice cream and that I do like fried food but that they are treats or special foods.  Not off the menu just not a staple to my menu. 

That being said I do understand the need for diets and since I have been on a 68.5lbs loss plateau for 2 months I am taking a leap again.  I am going to do the low carb pre surgery diet for 2-3 weeks to kick start my loss again.  I am also wanting to remind myself of the rules of the band during this time ( eating slow, proteins first, chewing......) and I am hoping that during this anniversary diet I am going to not only get past the 68.5 mark but that I will be able to see just how much I have changed physically and mentally.  I am glad that the band has helped me get this far and I am ready to continue my journey until I reach my goal.  I am still amazed that I have lost almost 70 lbs and I wish that I had made that leap of faith more than a year ago.  For any of you out there that are stuck and wondering if the band is for you please read my story and know that if you use it as a tool you can have your life back. 

Dr. Ortiz and the OCC

I get a lot of crap from people and doctors because I had my band done in Mexico.  I did a lot of research and talked to people who had used the OCC before I made the decision and because insurance doesn't considure weight loss surgery to be important I knew I had to leave the country to get a start on a new life.  I was so excited when I saw that Newsweek Magazine chose Dr. Ortiz and his clinic as one of the 15 bariatric surgeons.   I have posts several times how much I love the OCC and how I got the best care and it is nice to be able to say that I had my surgery done by one of the best.

http://www.newsweekshowcase.com/health/doctor-profiles/Obesity-Control-Center

You know they mean well but.........

I have lost almost 70 lbs and apparently this is becoming a bit obvious to those that see me everyday.  It took a while for any one at work to comment either that or they were afraid to offend me by saying anything but once I hit about 50 lbs all such notions were chucked to the wind and people let loose their tongues.  Some of the things people have said have been motivational and touching and some of them have been......well, if I was not such a laid back woman I would have thought about slapping the crap out of them.  It amazes me how if you are fat or pregnant the world feels the need to comment.  It is almost as if your body is an open range and are just expected to listen to every little thing that is said to you.  At least no one as reached out and rubbed my belly like they did when I had my son.  Anyways, here are some of the comments I wish I could remember all of them and I am going to start righting down the really good and the truly bad ones to share with you guys. What are somethings that have been said to you?

The Good:
1.  You look great/ Your glowing/ I can tell you are working out- I get a lot of these general comments that are people that are letting me know they can tell that I have lost weight and that it shows.  I love these comments because you can always see the shock on their face or that they are really excited for you.  These motivate me because I love to get that external praise and recognition that I am indeed getting smaller.  They also are positive and don't make me wonder if I was ugly 70 lbs ago.

2.  You are such a motivation!-  This is another good one because it lets me know that I am not only changing my life but helping motivate others into changing theirs too.  If it is a fellow overweight person that I know would respect my choice I share my experience about my band and how it has saved my life.

3.  How are you losing so much weight- This could be a good or bad comment depending on the person that said it.  Sometimes I use it as a teaching opportunity about the band but if I don't think they are receptive or would respect my choice I use it as a teaching tool about eating right and exercising.  Some people look at me like I am throwing up in the bathroom (just a few times and not on purpose) or taking pills to crap off the weight. 


The Bad: Usually said by older women or people that you can tell are not happy for your weight loss. 

1.  Your husband must be so excited!!!!!!-  Yeah, what am I supposed to say to this?  "He sure is because I was such an ugly cow before and that is all our love is built on."  What the crap!   This makes no sense to me.   Why would you even say that to someone? You don't know my husband or the fact that he has never failed to show how much he loves me and thinks that I am beautiful and sexy.  This one really did amaze me.

2.  I bet guys are going to start hitting on you or your are blossoming into a beautiful woman-  Wow,  I am worried about this one.  I have worked so hard most of my life to build a fortress of fat around me so that I am so ugly that I would never have to worry about catching a man's eye.  (please read with the sarcasm that is dripping from these words)  Honestly, is there anything nice about telling a woman that she is too fat and ugly to be attractive to the opposite sex.  I am still a bit speechless.

3.  I can barely see you anymore/ Your melting away or The wind is just going to blow you away-  I get several of these and I know they are meant with great intentions but dang!  I am still 130 lbs overweight at no point and I in fear of my life because of the wind nor do I think that my body is just going to melt away or that I am so thin that no one can see me.  It isn't a hurtful comment but it is condescending and just plain makes me want to sit on you.

- week

281.0

Just like I said last week.  As soon as I get over the ovulation part of my cycle the 2 extra pounds would go away.  Now to just get the downward trend to keep going.  I have been stuck at this same number for over a month and would love for it to move into the 70's. 

Week in evaluation:

Water: getting better.  I am still needing to pick it up some since I seem to only drink at work.  I need to bridge the habit over to my home life too.

Food:  Snacky.  I will say that though I am snacky I don't just eat to eat.  I grab a little of what I am craving and then put it away.  I am getting better at recognizing when I am sated.

Exercises:  When I last tried the couch to 5K in the spring I messed up my knee because I am still a bit too heavy for the high impact of it.  I had to lay off for a few months but I am ready to get back to it.  I am going to play it smart though.  I am going to do the program on my elliptical machine and do each week two or more times until I feel that my body (knees) are ready to move on to the next level.  After I can complete it on the elliptical I will move it outside.  Hopefully by then I will be lighter and it will not be 115 degrees outside.  Wish me luck.

Mental:  I am still doing well.  I am still happy I had this surgery and I am blessed that I have a huge support group to keep me motivated. 

This week was a good one for me.  I feel like I did what I needed too and I am in control.  Let's just hope it stays great.

Mental Image

I mentioned in my week evaluation that my husband gave me a come to band lecture during our camping trip.  He called me out on a few things that he said I needed to fix.  It all went to the same root....... my mental image of myself.  He is completely correct that I still think of myself as a 350 pound woman and still present, live and behave as such.  I am still worried about if I am going to break something just by leaning on it and afraid to be the old me.  Afraid to try new things and be the life of the party in hopes that no one sees just how fat I am.  I have been chastised and to prove I can change I jumped off the top sun deck of the party barge we were on when I got the lecture. 

Let's start from why he gave me the talk.  We rented a barge for the day during our camping trip so that we could have fun and go around the lake.  As we were heading out the marina people told my husband that we can jump off of the deck that is the roof of the barge.  Well, he had no problems trying that out as soon as we got to a good spot.  He knows that I used to jump off cliffs and love to swim and used to be a bit of an adrenaline junkie until I gained all of my weight so he told me to try it.  I quickly reminded him that I was too heavy and would some how tip the huge boat over if I did it.  He jumped a few more times and then he swam over to me and gave me the talk.  He reminded me that I weigh less than ten pounds more than he does right now and that I needed to update my mental image of myself.  He is tired of seeing me revert back to 70 pounds ago and progress mentally the same way that I am physically.  I could see in his face that it hurts him to see how I see myself and it woke me up. 

I am still fat but I am not as fat as I was and there is no reason that I should always see myself physically as a fat girl.  I know that I will always have issues with food and some mental things but when I hit a new milestone I need to update my mental image and celebrate the new things that I can once again enjoy.  I am no longer going to hide behind my fat in hopes that no one looks my way in disgust but I am going to let my true self start chipping its way out one pound at a time.  I am fat now but I will not always be this big I will keep losing weight no matter how many set backs I have and I need to accept the changes and move on with my life.  Why have I created a security blanket with my weight?  No, that's the wrong phrase.......Why have I created a mental prison from my weight?  That is better, I have built a prison in my mind of what I can and cannot do or be as a fat girl.  Well, my husband slipped me a metal file in my adkins shake and I am working on freeing myself.  I hope that all of you will join me on this great escape! 

+ week

283.00

I am so ashamed of myself.  Not about the weight but because I have been way too busy with my life to be a regular poster and reader of other Banded blogs.  I promise I am not really this big of a loser but I am just barely making it right now with the summer schedule.  Things should be easier soon and I will be back in action in more ways than just blogging. 

So, yeah I am up 1.5 pounds but as I have mentioned before this is just the game that my body and I play every month.  I wiggle and wobble around a number by 2 lbs either way and then after about 6 to 8 weeks I will drop 3-5 pounds.   It is aggravating but my numbers are at least moving in the right direction after little expected detours.  I also seem to gain around my ovulation time, which is funny since I do not actually ovulate.  Another one of nature's funny jokes on me.  Now for my week in evaluation.

Water:  not at the 62oz mark but still doing ok

Exercises:  some but not enough.  I did do a bunch of swimming on my camping trip and out swam my 10 year old son.

Mental:  I am going to save this one for its own post.  But just to tease you a bit, my husband had to have a little come to bandster meeting with me.

NSV:  I put on a swim suit and went to a lake.  That in itself is a bit huge but then I ran into someone I had not seen in 4 years and before I could freak out at being seen in the suit she commented on how I looked like I had lost a lot of weight and that she did not recognize at first.  That stopped the instant mental freak out and made me feel a lot better.  Oh, and I had to get new under garments again.  yeah they fell off in an embarrassing way while I was wearing a skirt....in front of other peeps......just saying.

- week

281.7

Big sigh of relief!  I noticed this week that I was starting to slip into bad habits again due to my schedule.  No time to make a lunch so I would grab a snack bag of chips from the snack bar, no time for breakfast, I'm not hungry so lets just skip, Off to the ball field so no time for dinner, I can just grab a nacho to share with the kids.   This is the thing that has been going on the past two weeks.  It is not as bad as I have written it but I can see that it could become that bad so I am stopping it now.  My motto is that life happens and cheats happen but when you notice them winning it is time to reevaluate your eating.   I have no idea how I lost 5 lbs this past week but I will take it.   My body does this though.  I will go a few weeks without any lose and then lose 3-5 pounds in a week so I guess it is just par for the course.   I am very close to 70lbs lost but I know that it could still be a few weeks before I see that but it is still nice.  Here is to a new week and a new number on the scale!

Week in evaluation:

Water: still doing pretty well on this and still running to the bathroom every hour.  At least if gets me away from my desk

Exercises: not much.  Just running around ball fields and shopping at this point but the last game was this week so I will be back on track with 3-4 workouts a week starting tonight.

Food- Sigh!  We have already addressed that issue and I am now moving on. 

Mental:  I am actually doing great mentally now that baseball is over.  I now have a few nights that I didn't have before that I can relax and take care of things.  It was pretty rough for the past month and I am looking forward to some me time.  I am having to work on eating slower since I still eat pretty fast and I know that it is just a habit/mental thing.  Stupid old habits!

I hope that everyone is enjoying summer.  Here in the south it has been in the 100 since the end may and I am not loving it! 

~fat girl.

- week

286.4

Not as big of a loss as I wanted but I will take every oz that I get.  I am still busy, busy and busy so I am actually a bit surprised at the loss.  My UTI came back as well as TOM so you can imagine the week I have had.  It wasn't too bad but had this been 7 months ago this girl would have curled up under a rock somewhere with a year supply of chocolate and not come back out until I needed more.   I am still thankful for the blessings of the blog world, OCC and hard work for blessing me with the knowledge and strength to not use food as a comforter any longer.    Here is my evaluation.

Water:  With the UTI I believe I have met and exceeded the quota.

Exercises:  Still not doing to great on this one due to time.  Baseball ends next weekend so I am hoping to get back on track.  Maybe my house will even be cleaned!

Food:  Still pretty tight and the TOM and infection does not help.  I will say this, I am getting better at eating slow and chewing the mess out of everything.

Mental:  Still a bit stressed out but dealing with it pretty well.  It helps that I had some new NSVs this week.  I ordered some clothes from Old Navy online and I got them but they were a little too big. Still wearable but a bit big.   I was shocked because I bought them thinking they would be small and I could shrink into them.  That was a nice nsv.  Another NSV is that I found that I can ration out chocolate.  My husband bought me a small bag of lindt truffles in april (like 10 truffles) and I ate the last one last night.  I enjoy them much better when I only eat one or two once in a while and not a whole bag in one hour.  You can savor the texture and feel of it but I think I will save the rest of this thought for another post.  

Happy losses to us all!

Those are the breaks

I know I have already informed the whole world via my last post that I had a UTI and that it was crazy and it has further upset my plans to rule the world, lose weight.  For any of you familiar with UTI treatment you know that it means lots of water and lots of cranberry juice.  Water is fine in fact I can honestly say that I drank enough water this weekend to meet my quota for a week.  However, the juice killed me.  I drank 2 of those huge bottles of juice (like 120 oz ea) and yes, it helped me and was great for the illness but I stopped counting the calories that I was putting into my body.  The empty calories at that.  It was a very hard thing to do even though I knew it was best for me.  My prize for giving my body the best care?  2 lbs weight gain!  Yup, thanks for taking care of me and as your body I give you two more pounds of me to love.  Stupid UTI!  On the up side I am better and no longer drinking juice but just water.  It was a bad weekend and my husband is now sick with some weird virus that I am just hoping that my Antibiotics will keep me protected from.   I hope all of you are having better luck with your bodies than I am.   

- week

287.1

It's that time of the week again.  The time that most overweight people hate........weigh in day.  It is a little different after you get a band.  You are excited to see if you lost but you are scared that nothing happened.  So now you know the emotions that I wake up to every friday morning.   This morning was no different.  I was really excited because I had a fill last saturday and wanted to know if it helped but I was also nervous because I had recently gained three pounds without any warning.  I stepped on the scale closed my eyes waited a second and then peeked down.  Safe!  I lost the three pounds and a few ounces more.  Back below 290 and back in the 60 lbs lost range.  Now I can let my love hate relationship with my scale rest another week.  

Week in Evaluation:  

Water: so bad in fact that I have a bladder infection.   Well, at least that kicked me back into the water drinking machine that I need to be.

Meds: Back on track although I am also back to splitting my pills so they pass through the band

Exercise:  My exercise right now is yard work and house cleaning.  Both are also leaving me sore.  It is amazing how many muscles you use to mow.

Mental/Physical:  Mentally I am still pretty run down and stressed out.  We are still way over scheduled and will be until baseball season is over (3 more weeks).  We are also still worried about my parents and trying to help when we can.  Physically my fill level is good but with the Infection I am super tight and having problems with everything I am eating.  I am probably going to go soft foods and soups until I am healthy again.  I can not go the whole weekend in a stuck episode. 

I hope all of you had success this week with the scale!

~Fat Girl

Featured Product- Cups in Hand Soup

It has been awhile since I had a featured product but this is one that I should have posted a long time ago.  I only think of it now because I ate them for 3 days after my last fill.  I also ate them during my liquid stage after my surgery too and they really do taste great.  The chicken and stars and creamy tomato are my favorite but I really have not had one yet that doesn't taste good.  I love that they are able to be stored in my desk at work and microwave in 1 minute and then pop the lid on and it is a sippable soup.  I don't have to worry about having soup stains on my boobs from a drippy spoon either.  I like to keep them around for those days that I seem to be a bit tight or when I am in a hurry and know that I will not be able to take the time to chew and eat slowly.  I hope you guys give them a try.

http://www.campbellsoup.com/microwavable.aspx

My third fill

I am the proud owner of 6.5cc of saline.  I do not even want to calculate what the unit price of each cc is because it would not be good.  But as my dear and sexy husband keeps reminding me there is no price on me being happy and healthy.  (I wonder which of us pinches pennies harder)  I went with my sister in law on my 5 hour trek to see my fill doctor.  Once again it was a great experience.  My SIL was going for her first fill in 18 months (pregnancy) and I was in much need of that reminder that the band gives when it slaps you in the face for not eating right.  We ended up a little late because of traffic but when we got there we were met with smiles and exclamtions about my loss so far. 

Once I was weighed and measured (btw first time at the doctor getting to tell them not to start at the 300's) I was sent back to the fluoro room.  Oh, I had maintained my weight from my last weigh in and saturday. Anyways, I get back there and we do our thing and I am just happy when they tell me that everything looks great.  I don't know if you guys remember but a few months ago I thought I might have flipped my port during a workout.  That was not the case and we did some barium swallows to make sure that I got a good fill and that I would not be too tight later. 

My SIL was next and she is a testament as to why Fluoro is a good thing even when it costs a bit more and in my case a lot more hours of travel.  Like I said before she has lost 100lbs and also had her first child (thanks to the band) six months ago.  Once they looked at her under the machine the doctor noticed that her port is now tilted and he would need to go in differently than normal.  He said that it is not uncommon for people that have lost a lot of weight or had a child to end up with a tilted port but that without fluoro most doctors would have just put the needle in and it might have punctured the band.  I am glad that everything was good and she got a great fill.

I am hoping that with this fill I will get to my next mini goal (275) by the end of may or early june but you never know how the weight will come off.  All I can do is hope on my elliptical and eat right to do everything I can to meet that goal and if I still fall short I will know that I tried my hardest and that is all that counts.  I am feeling pretty good so far with the fill and am back to having to chew, small bites and look at bread and know that the pain it will cause me is not worth the taste.  (sad that I still need that reminder) I am back to the 60lbs loss (already down the three I gained at TOM) and hoping to make 70 lbs in a few weeks.  Like I said time to start stepping.

~Fat Girl

Quick update

I have not been hiding but have just been really busy and a little...well, you guys know the term when you don't have something nice.  That is what the past week has been like for me.  I live in Arkansas and for those of you that are not aware Arkansas had some major storms, tornadoes and flooding last week.  Our house is fine but my parents house was flooded. We ahd to get the water out, rip up flooring, clean everything feed people, gather workforces and take care of food.  It was a blessing that it only rose 6 inches in the house and not higher but it still caused a lot of damage.  This added in with baseball, gymnastics, church, mike classes and my period made for one week from hades.  Not to mention that my birthday came and went with me being too busy to celebrate.  I didn't mind that much because my husband had planned a romantic getaway for the two of us to celebrate in memphis but when the flood waters decided to take that away this overworked and stressed hormonal woman just gave up.  I was pretty down for a few days and I just figured that since I try and keep my blog upbeat that I did not need to vent and whine on here until I could do it without sounding like a spoiled brat.  I am much better now, still over worked and stressed but no longer hormonal and that made a huge difference.  My parents are still dealing with everything but FEMA has now started helping and after friday my husband will start summer break and not have an assignment pending that is taking up all of his time.  Life will be good once it settles down.  Oh, and my kids and husband did great on mother's day and even took me out to dinner on saturday for my birthday.  It ended up being great.

On the weight loss side:  I gained 3 pounds while on my period and I know why.  It was not from what I ate but from what I did not do.  I did not drink water, did not take meds and I was on my period.  I didn't do any workouts but honestly I got plenty of workout with the clean up and having to replant my washed out garden.  I am having to get back into the habit of drinking water and even taking my meds regularly, it is amazing how little time it takes to break a habit that took months to create.  Hopefully, I can get this fixed and it helps that I am having a fill on saturday.  High hopes that everything is fine. 

I am sorry if I have been neglecting this blog and not commenting on all of the ones I read but I have been checking in on others but just could not sit down to post myself until things worked out a bit.  Here is to a great rest of the week and happy losses to everyone.

~Fat Girl

- week and Milestone

288.0

I am very excited about this weeks weigh in.  It means that I have lost 60 pounds!  It have been close for a couple of weeks but now it is official (until TOM next week).   Thanks for all the great comments on my 6 month post it made me cry a bit and let me know how much support I have. 

Water-  Still rocking it.

Exercises- 2 times but I am doing yard work all day saturday so that will count as a third.  I am still pushing myself  on trying to move faster because it helps me feel free for just a moment until my knees and body yell at me to slow down.

Mental- Easter candy was rough.  The kids had to keep it in ziplock bags (makes me feel guilty if I eat their candy) and I kept a little for me.  I was amazed at how only one piece would fix the craving when before I would eat several pieces without even thinking or waiting for the craving.

NSV- my sister posted pics on FB of me at easter and one of them was me helping my son look for an egg and it was a shot of me from behind.  I looked at the pic for a moment trying to decide who it was before I realized that it was me.  I normally un tag myself in FB pics but I didn't feel the need to this time.  I was ok with how I looked. 

I will post some what 60 lbs looks like pics on monday. 

~fat girl.

6 months as a Banded Woman

I was at the store shopping with my family on Saturday and someone said the date and I realized that it was my 6 month bandiversary!  I am now free to have carbonated beverages and that, my friends, means a lot.  I love caffeine free diet coke.  I know that I can't have much of it and to watch it but it is still great to know that if I want one I can have it. 

I also realized that the band is really working.  I have lost almost 30 lbs since the surgery and a total of almost 60lbs and I don't feel like I am missing out on the wonders of the world.  I think that I am finally learning that I am beautiful on the outside and that at the age of 30 I can be born into a new life and lifestyle.  If you had asked me 8 months ago before I started this journey if I would ever be below 300 again I would have made some sort of fat girls are sexy joke and cried on the inside.  I now feel confident that I can keep losing and one day be a normal size.  I am still a long ways of but that is how the turtle won his race, slow and steady.  This is a prize that is worth waiting for.

On the NSV side of things I had a few this weekend.  I went to see the princess on ice show with the kids and the arena is at the top of a steep incline and then the steps to the seats but I got to the seat before I even realized what I had done.  Last year when we went I almost died.  I stopped for breaks and just was in pain but it didn't even phase me.  Then I sat down.  I had been dreading this all week.  I have very large hips even for a fat girl and I am used to sliding into seat like a drawer in order to fit and then having to sit just right so that it doesn't hurt.  Well, I sat down and had about an inch on either side of my hips from the arms of the seat.  I was able to turn around while seated and was comfortable during the whole show.  It was very hard not to cry a bit from the joy in my heart.  I can now sit in theater seating.

I look back on these 6 months and no I did not lose as much as I thought I did but I am learning that we are all different and that is fine with me.  I am now looking into the next 6 months and wondering what new adventures my band will give me.  I have run, I have new clothes and a new life but I know that there is still so much more for me.   Thanks again to all of you for reading the thoughts, whines, gripes, and cheers from this fat girl and please continue to support me on this journey.  I truly cannot do this on my own and you guys and my family give me the support and boost that is needed. 

- week

290.4

What a crazy week!  We had 3 nights of tornado sirens, one night of zero electricity, baseball, gymnastics, egg hunts and life.  I am tired and worn out and feeling all of my 30 years.  I am less a pound this week and sneaking up on the 60 lbs loss mark.  I am scheduling a fill for may because I noticed this week that I am no longer as restricted as I need to be.   Hopefully, the next few weeks will pass quickly and I will get the perfect fill.   I have still been reading all of your blogs but have been really busy and only commented on a few.  I am hoping that this week will be slower and I will be able to get back into things. 

Week in Review:

Water-  Still rocking this and I think that I can officially say that it is now a done deal.

Food- Well, it was the week of Easter so I have had some candy but not much.  It is also weird that I am now craving savory things more than sweet. I am eating a little more than I should (notice bit about fill) but I am still only eating around 1.5-2 cups of food per meal. 

Exercises- Only twice this week.  I wonder if you can count rounding up kids and putting them in the hallway 3 nights this week or maybe even the rushing from one thing to the next.  Sigh, if only it worked that way.

Mental- I made Easter dinner this week for my family and while I was looking at the table something surprised me.  Usually it is potatoes, meat, breads...well, you get the point, and we still had that too but I also had salad, carrots and fruit salad for dessert.  We had other desserts too but it was interesting to me that in a year I now cook differently and include healthy options on our holiday menu.  This might sound odd to some of you but anyone from the south knows exactly what I am talking about.

How about all of you?  Did you have a great week?

~fat girl

- week

292.2

2 pounds in one week!  I am very excited but confused by this.  It seems that when I watch everything and workout right I don't lose but when I let it go just a little I start to lose.  I just can't figure this out.  Anyways, I am very close to 60lbs now (3lbs)  and I hope it is off by my birthday in a few weeks.

Week in evaluation:

Water- it is a little odd but I am actually drinking the water straight now with out the flavoring.  I don't know if I have just gotten used to it or if it is because it is warmer outside but I like it!  I am still rocking the water intake.

Exercise- *sigh*  only two times so far this week.  I know, but I did have a weird week.  I will hope back on the trail this weekend.

Food-  A little mental issues but not that bad.  I have also managed to make a bag of Lindt truffles last over two weeks (and still have some in there too).  6 months ago those suckers would not have made it past the night.  Just sayin.

Me- I have been really in a funk this week and I don't know what is up but I did not turn to food to make it better.  I am starting to feel better and am amazed at how different I am on the outside and inside.  Mentally I am doing well.

Product (Tool) of the week- Blogs

The product of the week for this week should have been the first one I ever did but it is the blog world.  I don't know if it counts as a product but it has been the best tool (short of my band) in this whole journey.  I have been able to be as open and free with my thoughts, emotions and struggles without feeling like I was exposing myself.  I have also been able to glean information for others and since I am a Mexico Bandster I am also able to feel like I belong to a support group.  (mexico bandsters are not really accepted in most real places)  I have found that there are so many people out there that are fighting with weight loss either with the band or with traditional methods.  I don't feel so alone anymore and I am so blessed that I have this tool to keep me motivated and firm on my journey. 

I also want to thank my followers and comments because you really do keep me accountable for what I put in my mouth and my workouts.  I missed my workout last night and I kept thinking about how I was going to have to post in my week evaluation that I didn't do it.  I still didn't do it but I am not missing tonight because then I would look like a princess Lame-o  for missing two nights in a row.  Thanks again for your support and if you have a blog and I am not following you please post the link in the comments.

+ week

294.0

I know this is not friday but I did weigh and was not surprised that I gained a little.  Not even a pound but I still have to mark it as a gain week.  I look back and a year ago I was gaining 10lbs with my period and spending the rest of the month working that off so I would say this is not a bad gain.  Hopefully by this friday I will be back at 293 or lower.  Please, let it be lower!!!!!!!  I didn't want to miss posting my weigh in but you guys know how life gets in the way sometimes.  I have just been really busy this past weekend but I knew I needed to post just to keep myself accountable.  Bow for my evaluation.

Week in evaluation:

Water:  I have worked it out.  Dividing my water into times has been a huge help.  I am drinking my water everyday and even more on some days.  I hope I continue to keep this up.

Exercise:  I worked out 4 times last week and I really do enjoy the after glow of the work outs.  Notice I did not say the workout itself.  I have started the weights back up and that could be the pound gained as well since muscles gained equal scale increase.  The bonus though is that muscle helps with the metabolism so I will take any increase in scale if it is muscle.

Mind:  I am still dealing with mental hunger.  In fact on wed night I ate past the point of being over full just because it was in front of me.  I was so uncomfortable for the rest of the night but it helped me decide that it was not worth it.  It is just amazing that after 6 months of eating differently I can still get a sneak attack from my brain.  So crazy.

Other:  Well I had my TOM this week and I did well with continuing to workout even with the cramps and I even did ok with the cravings.  I did notice that I was a bit crabbier than normal and I think that might be because I no longer get brownies from my husband to calm the beast that is in my mind.  Speaking of Mr. Fat Girl, he is still continuing to be what keeps me going.  He works out with me, he helps me find things to eat that aren't bad and he listens to me whine and complain.  He even goes so far as to tell me that when I work out it gets him worked up too (TMI, I know) but it does help a sweaty fat girl like me feel like the skinny girl in the gym when she has a hot man drooling after her. 

I hope you all had a negative gain week!

Workout Wednesday

Well, I normally do a product review on wednesday but I think I am going to hope on the band wagon (get it?  Band! yeah, I am a dork.)  I am going to use Wednesdays to post about my weekly workouts.  Here goes this week.

On Monday, Wednesday and Friday I do cardio.  This is my least favorite thing to do and even more so if it is on a stupid machine.  Lucky for me that it is nice outside so on Monday and Friday I can go outside to run like a hamster.  As I have posted before I have started alternating running and walking for my cardio.  My husband timed my running for me and I am now up to 30 seconds of running at a time.  I know this is not a long time but if you were close to 300 lbs would you be able to run for more than 30 seconds starting out?  I do this 30 seconds of running and 2 walking for about 20-30 minutes and then go home.  I am hoping to up it by 5 or 10 seconds each week until I get better and can up it by minutes.  Right now I am still focusing on correct form and breathing as well as trying not to hear my rolls slapping with each step.  My family is great at helping me on these workouts and I am glad that they are there.  I don't think I will ever be a "runner" but I do really enjoy it right now.  It is so much better than a machine too.  BTW, I am an accident prone person and this monday during my run I went right off the side of the trail and fell.  Yup, right on down went the big girl.  That cut the workout in half since it hurt my ankle and my husband is over protective.  My knee got scratched a little too and it makes me feel like I am earning battle scars from my workouts.  I laughed so hard at myself!  Here is a pic of it today (mostly gone) as an after workout pic.

On Tuesday and Thursdays I do weight training with low weight and high reps with little rest between the different movements.  I love this the most.  I really enjoy feeling like wonder woman and the way that it is done my heart rate stays up too.  One day I will have arms that are firm but for now they still wave hello and good by to me with each press up.  Here is My after workout glow pic.  Also, I put off folding laundry last night until after my workout (so that I would actually do it) so if you can see it in the pic don't judge!) 

OH, and that dumbbell is not that heavy.  It is an adjustable weight so it has slots for the other weights.  When I saw that pic though it looked like I was lifting like 100lbs!  Happy workouts to you all!

Food for thought

So, I received an email from my fill center that talked about stress and what it does to weight loss.  This made me laugh because of how coincidental it was with my mood today.  I am so close to starting my cycle that it is insane, I have not been sleeping well and we have been having some family drama in the extended wings of the family.  I noticed this weekend that I was snacking a little more and just tossed it off as PMS eating but does that make it ok?  I am all for having treats and not having a diet but a lifestyle of eating but I still find myself sneaking back into old habits.  Now, I say sneaking because it is not like I wake up and go "self, I want to eat like I used to and gain weight" cause, you know, that would just be stupid.  However, I do make excuses and allow more until I find old habits clawing at my taste buds.  Lucky for me I have a band to at least keep the snacks in a small amount and I also have been working hard for months and even when I do snack it is not anything compared to what I used to do.  For example, I ate 2 thin mint cookies Saturday (even though I was not hungry) along with pineapple, apples and cherries.  Six months ago I would have chucked the fruit and ate that whole dang box of thin mints and then wondered why I did not order two boxes, only to remember that I ate the second box the day before.  (that may be a slight exaggeration) Anyways,  I am just amazed at how easy it is to slip back but I am impressed by the fact that I am food savvy enough now to recognize the problem and fix it before I get all crazy.  Here is part of the email that my fill center sent.

Stress and Weight Gain Many people become dependent on food as a way to cope with stress. In some cases it is a behavior developed from infancy. Think about it; babies associate feeling secure and safe with eating. The first love they know and feel come from eating. This is a healthy, normal emotion, but if emotional needs are not met, it can become a problem. As we mature, our unmet emotional needs often result in stress. Much too often we try and fill this void with food. Unfortunately many of us are stressed without realizing it or without knowing what it is causing it. Before we know it we fall into a cycle of emotional eating. The more stressed we become, the more we eat (graze) to alleviate whatever it is that is stressing us. Physical Stress Adding to the mental stress we encounter is the physical stress that can also contribute to weight gain. With today’s hectic schedule most of us do not receive the rest we need to rejuvenate our bodies. When the body becomes physically stressed it releases elevated levels of the hormone cortisol. Cortisol regulates our blood sugar and appetite ultimately leading to hunger, which makes it difficult to follow a weight loss plan, even with the band. When we don’t get sufficient sleep we experience a constant need to reach for something that will “pick us up”. As a banded patient you will be tempted to graze. Any time your body is depleted of energy it will result in fatigue and stress. Both of these elements ultimately can lead to weight gain. We all know how very hard it is to eliminate stress in our lives. Most of us try to “gut up” and deal with it. But with the paramount commitment you made to be banded you have too much at stake to let the stress/eating cycle sabotage your weight loss efforts. What can you do? First; ask yourself if this is a factor affecting your weight loss. If so; address it and research ways you can control physical and mental stress Learn to recognize your stress signals Experiment with positive techniques to deal with stress Talk to your family and friends and ask for help in recognizing and controlling your stress Find ways to re-channel your thought patterns and find substitutions for comfort foods Get the rest your body requires If you feel you need professional help, seek it! Ensure your band is adjusted properly that it might assist you in your efforts (remember you chose to get the band so it can assist you with hunger challenges) The battle you have undertaken to meet your weight loss goals are difficult enough without the added components brought on by stress. By breaking the stress/eating cycle you could see major improvement in your weight loss goals.