I have vivid dreams and can remember a lot of them and something I noticed lately is that in those dreams I am a runner. A fat runner but still a runner. You would think that I could at least dream that I am skinny but, alas, that is not allowed. In those dreams I feel the wind sliding past my face and the steady rhythm of my breathing as the miles pass beneath my feet. My heart is steady and my body feels electrified and graceful, I am a runner. Like any good dream analyzer I assumed that this was a divine calling from above to tell me that running is the cardio for me to try next. So, I have strapped on my running shoes and hit the trail with iPhone in hand and C25K app loaded, why, because I am now a runner.
Well, that is what I thought. With my dream runner image in my head I headed out to start my program to become a runner and I learned two things about myself that day. The first thing I learned was that I am not a natural runner and the second thing I learned was that real life is not the same as dreaming when it comes to fitness.
I started out motivated and energized as I completed my 5 minute warm up walk and when the voice on my app told me it was time to run I said "let's do this!" and I started up. I quickly figured out that this was not going to be easy and in fact I might just die before I finished. My feet start slapping the pavement loudly and sweat starts to pour from my body. I start to wheeze and try to remember in through the nose and out through the mouth but eventually say screw it and start gulping for air. My heart, oh my poor heart, it starts trying to beat its way out of my chest and my legs are starting to melt in pain and agony. This is not how it was supposed to feel was it????? Please I beg of you computerized calm lady voice tell me it has been a minute!!!!!!!!!! A few seconds later the smug, skinny sounding voice says that I can walk now. I slow down to a walk and I am giving thanks to my maker that I am alive and then like childbirth I start to forget the agony that the past minute dished out and start to think that maybe it wasn't so bad, maybe just maybe in a minute and a half my next run will be better. I was wrong. It was worse and the next and then the next got progressively worse. I wanted to kill the cold hearted witch on the app and then roll over on a grassy hill somewhere and let nature take its course on my poor fat body. It got so bad that I had to call it quits. I was about to pass out, the world was spinning and in 30 minutes I only made it 1/2 mile.
WHAT, a half a mile!!!!! How can that be if I was running for a little of that. I quickly realized that I am a slow runner. So slow in fact that I walk faster than I run and the more tired I get the more slowly I run. Yeah, I think that by the fourth run I was actually just bouncing in place in a dazed stupor imagining the earth moving beneath me. It is sad just how slow I am. My heart rate was up, I was bouncing but I was not really moving. It was disheartening. I have since done 2 more sessions and have tweaked the C25K program for my needs and have even upped myself from a half a mile to a whole mile. As sad as it sounds I am excited that I am at a mile now. Sigh, my poor slow turtle butt. I am still on week one of the program and will be on week one until I can actually run 8 minutes out of 30 but like the turtle in that famous race I will win this. I will be the slowest runner in the world and I will be thinking words in my head about that stupid voice on my app that no lady would ever utter aloud but I will be running. Can you call it running? Well, I will be bouncing rhythmically around the track anyways.
I was curious as to whether or not the slow running was even going to be worth it so here are a few articles I found in my search. I know this post is long but I did searching for fat people that run and didn't really find anything out there and I just want anyone else out there that is like me to know that you are not the only turtle in the race and that I will be finishing right behind you so keep that pace and finish.