Thursday, September 29, 2011

Where is our celebrity advocate?

I really want to know the answer to my question.  Where are all the advocates for fat people?  There is an advocate for almost everyone out there but overweight people.  Oh, there are plenty of advocates telling us we are fat and need to loose weight, which is fine, but no one is taking a stand against bullies.  This has always been a hot topic for me since I have been overweight most of my life but it has just kept building in me as I see more and more celebrities telling us we can't call this person this or that person that but no one is saying stop hurting fat people.  It seems that everyone is caught up on PC but not all groups deserve this right. 

The thing that broke my back happened in the waiting room of my doctors office yesterday.  I was sitting there waiting  to be seen and a young lady, about 18 years old, came in and sat down across from me.  I looked at her and read her shirt which said "you look fat when you cry".  I am used to this sort of thing and never say anything but as I kept waiting to be called it just kept building in me.  Is it not all over the news to love each other and to not put negative things out that could offend others?  Sure there is but only if you are not fat.  I finally could not keep quiet any longer  and decided to politely let this young lady know how her shirt made me feel.  Who knows, maybe she is clueless and just didn't realize that it could be taken offensively.  SO I asked her if I could ask her a question and that I did not wish to offend her.  She said sure and so I asked her why she chose to wear a shirt that basically says fat people are ugly.  She looked at me and said that she wore it because it was funny and she bought it from a comedian that she has seen and loves that joke.  I asked her if she would wear that shirt if it said "you look gay/ black, Asian/ big eared...etc.... when you cry"  She quickly responded that she would not ever wear that because it would be rude.  I then asked her if she did not think it was offensive to overweight people like myself.  She again just said that she found it funny.  So I then asked her if she felt that wearing things that hurt others is ok as long as it is funny.  She said no but continued to back up that it was funny and part of an act that she liked.  My name was then called and I left her to her indeed clueless thoughts.

I have several overweight nieces and nephews that are tormented at school by people like this that believe that it is ok to make fun of them because it is funny.  Why?  Why is it ok and considered funny for fat kids but not for others to be bullied?  I know that everyone still gets made fun of but it seems as thought everyone else has someone saying that it is wrong but those poor overweight kids just have people saying that they are disgusting, a burden on the health care system and need to lose weight.  I understand the need for advocating weight loss, I am doing it now, but should we not also advocate acceptance of those that are overweight too.  How about instead of every bully news story being about gay, minority or religious kids, how about we feature what the fat kid is feeling when they are afraid to eat in the cafeteria because people will make fun of them.  Or maybe even show them in their bedroom crying because they have no friends and don't feel accepted by anyone because they are overweight.  I don't know any kid that says "I want to be fat"  most of these kids are overweight because of the environment they are raised in or because of health issues so why pick on them?  Why point fingers at them by the government telling the world that they are a burden?  Why in the world can we not teach acceptance of all?  I am fat and I am tired of sitting back and biting my tongue when I hear fat jokes, read negative comments on shirts or see people look down on me.  I am no longer going to sit by and not speak up for myself in hopes that somewhere in that person's sad, messed up hate filled mind there is still a spark of humanity that hears what I say.  I know it won't make a difference but I am now confident enough in myself as an overweight American to stand up and say I have rights too.  I have the right to eat in public without being mocked, I have the right to dance without being afraid that I will look fat and I have the right to know that little kids that are overweight will be loved not hated.  So again I ask, Who will stick up for us?  Will you?  Will anyone?  There is no one but ourselves and that is why it has not stopped.  We are too sad, embarrassed and scared to stand up and tell the world that they have no right to treat us that way.  

I am sorry if this offended anyone but it has been building for over 15 years.  I was that kid that was made fun of and teased.  I didn't have many friends because I was afraid of being hurt again when I heard the mockery and laughter.  So I hope you will excuse this moment of sadness and outburst.  And for the first time I will use my name on this blog because I am not going to hide any longer.   I am Desiree and I am asking for someone to stand up for me and those like me, I am asking for acceptance.  That is all. 

Friday, September 16, 2011

- Week


Crap, yeah, I will take a pound!  So glad to finally get the number moving again.  I hate plateaus but they have been so much a part of this journey.  I guess I am in the mid west or something.  This week really has been great for me on all levels.

Week in evaluation
Food- last week of Adkins and it went well.  It did just what I needed it to which was to remind me of what I need to be eating and to help get moving.  I am not snacking anymore and am taking the time I need,  The next step in my back to basics plan is to start introducing carbs back in responsibly in a good bandster way.

Water- still chugging and peeing at alarming rates

Workouts- I am now running 5 out of the 8 minute runs in week one of C25K and next week plan to make it 6 out of 8.  Slowly I will be running more.  I really hate it while I am running but after I really love it.  I know crazy but that is me.  I also ordered a fat girls Pilates dvd and my love said he would do it with me so I wouldn't feel like I was wasting us time.  I know he is the best man for me!

Mentally- again great.  I am starting to realize I am not as fat as I was.  My husband pulled up my Stats page and we compared my measurements now and then and weight and it is amazing.  I actually don't worry about sitting in a chair and it breaking anymore (well now I will just because I cursed myself) I am also wearing sexy shoes again and dare I say.....Feel sexy when I where them, not like miss piggy squished in a pair of shoes but like Me rocking some screw me pumps!

I hope that all of you are feeling proud and great about the progress you have made so far.  Every pound is a pound no matter how slow or long it took to go away and we should celebrate that.  Thanks again you guys for all the comments and support I truly could not be doing this without you all!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I am the turtle......

If you haven't figured it out yet, I am a fat girl, even after losing 70 lbs I am still 120lbs over my suggested weight.  This should also lead you to the conclusion that I am not a very athletic person either.  I have never been very athletic in my life.  Sure, I enjoyed playing sports while growing up and loved to get out and do things but did I ever feel the desire to regularly be active in  This having been said in the past year I have been fighting that part of me and have been trying to find workouts that I enjoy enough to keep doing.  So far I know that I love weight lifting, thanks to my brother in law for teaching me how to safely lift.  That leaves me with a cardio workout to find.  I do my elliptical just because it is convenient and not too bad but I don't find myself enjoying it or even looking forward to the one on one time with it.  In fact, to be honest when I am on it I feel a bit like a hamster on its wheel and it doesn't help that I have three kids that think it is fun to watch me while I am on it.  All I need is a little water bottle suspended from the ceiling and some woodchips on the floor to absorb the sweat and I am good to go.  This being said, I am still on the look out for my cardio workout. 

I have vivid dreams and can remember a lot of them and something I noticed lately is that in those dreams I am a runner.  A fat runner but still a runner.  You would think that I could at least dream that I am skinny but, alas, that is not allowed.  In those dreams I feel the wind sliding past my face and the steady rhythm of my breathing as the miles pass beneath my feet.  My heart is steady and my body feels electrified and graceful, I am a runner.  Like any good dream analyzer I assumed that this was a divine calling from above to tell me that running is the cardio for me to try next.  So, I have strapped on my running shoes and hit the trail with iPhone in hand and C25K app loaded, why, because I am now a runner.

Well, that is what I thought.  With my dream runner image in my head I headed out to start my program to become a runner and I learned two things about myself that day.  The first thing I learned was that I am not a natural runner and the second thing I learned was that real life is not the same as dreaming when it comes to fitness. 

I started out motivated and energized as I completed my 5 minute warm up walk and when the voice on my app told me it was time to run I said "let's do this!" and I started up.  I quickly figured out that this was not going to be easy and in fact I might just die before I finished.  My feet start slapping the pavement loudly and sweat starts to pour from my body.  I start to wheeze and try to remember in through the nose and out through the mouth but eventually say screw it and start gulping for air.  My heart, oh my poor heart, it starts trying to beat its way out of my chest and my legs are starting to melt in pain and agony.  This is not how it was supposed to feel was it?????  Please I beg of you computerized calm lady voice tell me it has been a minute!!!!!!!!!!  A few seconds later the smug, skinny sounding voice says that I can walk now.  I slow down to a walk and I am giving thanks to my maker that I am alive and then like childbirth I start to forget the agony that the past minute dished out and start to think that maybe it wasn't so bad, maybe just maybe in a minute and a half my next run will be better.  I was wrong.  It was worse and the next and then the next got progressively worse.  I wanted to kill the cold hearted witch on the app and then roll over on a grassy hill somewhere and let nature take its course on my poor fat body.  It got so bad that I had to call it quits.  I was about to pass out, the world was spinning and in 30 minutes I only made it 1/2 mile. 

WHAT, a half a mile!!!!!  How can that be if I was running for a little of that.  I quickly realized that I am a slow runner.  So slow in fact that I walk faster than I run and the more tired I get the more slowly I run.  Yeah, I think that by the fourth run I was actually just bouncing in place in a dazed stupor imagining the earth moving beneath me.  It is sad just how slow I am.  My heart rate was up, I was bouncing but I was not really moving.  It was disheartening.  I have since done 2 more sessions and have tweaked the C25K program for my needs and have even upped myself from a half a mile to a whole mile.  As sad as it sounds I am excited that I am at a mile now.  Sigh, my poor slow turtle butt.  I am still on week one of the program and will be on week one until I can actually run 8 minutes out of 30 but like the turtle in that famous race I will win this.  I will be the slowest runner in the world and I will be thinking words in my head about that stupid voice on my app that no lady would ever utter aloud but I will be running.  Can you call it running?  Well, I will be bouncing rhythmically around the track anyways. 

I was curious as to whether or not the slow running was even going to be worth it so here are a few articles I found in my search.  I know this post is long but I did searching for fat people that run and didn't really find anything out there and I just want anyone else out there that is like me to know that you are not the only turtle in the race and that I will be finishing right behind you so keep that pace and finish.

Friday, September 9, 2011

= week


Technically, it is - .1 pounds but I am not considering .1 a loss.  I guess it could have been worse since my body is gearing up for TOM but for the work I put in it would have been nice to see more of a lose.  The main thing is that I can answer to myself that I did try my hardest. 

Week in evaluation:

Water-  Great!  I am getting at least 60 oz or more a day.  My only issue is that I am peeing at least 2 times an hour.  I guess I can count the extra trips to the bathroom as exercise. 

Workouts:  I am doing much better on this one.  I was able to get out and c25k on tuesday and thursday and will do it again tomorrow.  Next week I will be doing weights on monday and friday too.  I will say this,  I am still not able to do week 1 of the C25K but I am getting closer.  I am up to 4 runs out of the 8.  Next week I am adding more and hopefully in a few weeks I will be ready for the C25K.  I told my husband I should come up with a C2C25k for people that are 100 lbs overweight so that they don't feel like idiots because they can't run for a minute straight from the couch.  I am up to a minute but I have to walk longer between runs but when I started I could barely make it 30 seconds so this is a good improvement. 

Food:  I did really good with my back to basics all but one day.  I came home from work and had just  few minutes to eat before we were out the door and so I got stuck and that meant I had to eat a band friendly food that slipped by without problems and as you know most of those are high in carbs.  I guess it will only get harder as I get closer to TOM but I will go shopping this weekend for some low carb band friendly things.  I just wan't prepared enough.

Mental:  Like I said on Wednesday, as long as I can honestly say that I did my best I will not complain (at least too loudly) about how slow it comes off.  I do wish it wasn't so slow but at least I am getting healthier. 

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Why do Bandsters sometimes fail?

I was checking my email this morning and I saw an email from the OCC.  I always love the "tips from Dr. Ortiz" emails because they usually remind me of what I need to be doing.  Today's tip was no different.  I am going to post some of his email and then what I think about it. 

Having weight-loss surgery (WLS)  is not just the end of a less than ideal weight and life style, it is really the beginning of a completely new way of life. It starts by a procedure that assists you "temporarily" to lose the excess weight that would not budge to conventional methods.
This was the opening statement and it hit home pretty hard since that is what I am focusing on this month with my back to basics diet.  I remember a year ago before I had the surgery that it seemed so magical and that if I could only make it to my surgery everything would be fixed in my life.  The wieght would melt away.  Oh, don't get me wrong I did my research and knew that I was going to have to do my part too but it did not stop me from still believing in fairy god mothers for fatties. 
If you are proactive about your weight-loss and help the procedure out by following guidelines and making some small but key modifications in your eating patterns and habits, you will add to this number 30% effectiveness or more. On the other hand if you sabotage the procedure especially early on when most of the weight-loss happens you will actually diminish its effectiveness by half or more.
Here he has a subtle reminder to us that if we are not following the guidelines then we are sabotaging ourselves.  It doesn't hurt anyone if I eat band friendly foods that slide past and no one but me is going to lose if I miss a work out. 
The patients I saw failing were the ones that wanted the procedure to do all the work.  Procedures can't change habits or select foods for you or even make you go to the gym. If you don't use the tool when it is available to you, it won't have the same effectiveness down the line. If you are a patient thinking of having surgery keep this in mind. If you recently had surgery by it. If you already had surgery and were successful you know this to be true. And if you are struggling, well it is time to have a sincere talk in the mirror and ask yourself....... Have I done my best?
Have I done my best?  I can say with honesty that for all but the past two months I really have but since June things started to slip into the crazy days of summer and old habits came back.  I guess it is time for me to ask myself everynight before I go to bed if I have done my best.  If the answer is no then I have no one to blame but myself.  If the answer is yes then it doesn't matter how slowly the weight comes off because I know that I am doing my part.

I hope that this gives y'all some, low carb, food for thought.

Friday, September 2, 2011

- week

278.7    (70lbs lost!)

I MADE IT!!!!! No, not my overall goal weight but to 70 lbs!  I have been stuck at 68 lbs for 2 months and it was time to kick it up a notch and start the numbers moving again.  As I posted before I am doing a 2 week back to basics diet.  I am eating low carb (best for me) and focusing on water intake, snacking and how I eat.  I noticed over the past month that I was grazing all day instead of eating set meals with a few snacks.  Even though I wasn't eating a lot at a given time it was a constant intake of food and to be honest a lot of it wasn't even healthy.  With how busy and hot it was this summer I slowly started adjusting to what was easier and not what was best for me.  When I noticed this I decided that on my decision date anniversary I would go back to the basics and so far (a week in) I have learned a lot. 

I did not realize even when I decided to do this just how off course I had gotten until that first day.  I would not even be hungry but the mental desire to snack was ingrained and taking over.  I am embarrassed to admit this but I was a crabby lady for the first 2 days.  I missed my little indulgences of a cookie here or a chip there and was not satisfied with my turkey slice here or string cheese there.  By the third day things started to click back into the normal slots.  I started to remember that I could still have cookies and chips and candy but not in the way that I was doing it the past few weeks.  I need to make sure that those things are in my diet occasionally like once or twice a week and not daily (or even several times daily). I am very glad that I caught myself before the bad habits took root and I had to go through the whole mental fight that I had a year ago.

The one thing that did not get going this week was my exercising.  I sat down with my husband and we came up with a schedule for me to workout.  I told him that I needed time to workout because without it I was only doing half of what needs to be done to be healthy.  Our schedule is crazy busy with both of us working full time, him going to night school for a masters degree, 3 kids in various activities and then church calling on top of that , it is no wonder that this summer working out started to slip on the priority line.  However, It is right back up there and now that my cold is moving out and the love of my life and I have set up a schedule I will be right back in it next week. 

Here we go with my week in evaluation

Food:  I did really well and after the mental hunger was addressed things got much easier.  I did not realize how much I had started eating past my band. 

Water- very well.  I have a 30 oz water bottle and I am drinking two of those a day plus other liquids

Exercise:  not good.

Mental:  I had a few mental break through this week that have made me more aware of myself.  I thought that after a year of eating different that I knew it all and was cured of my bad habits but a busy summer proved that even if the fat girl is disappearing the bad habits are always lurking. 

Thanks again to all the followers and blog friends that help keep me accountable and are also my unpaid therapist.  This blog and your blogs really do help me and give me that extra push to do what is best.  If I am not following your blog please send me the link.  It takes a village to make a girl Healthy!