I just kind of feel like the past two weeks has been a reality show called the good the bad and the ugly. It has been rough and there was a time or two that I wanted to go to the hospital and ask them to remove my band because I didn't think I could take it anymore but, now that my period has started and my drainage is clearing up, I am able to think clearer and more sanely and look back at what has happened.
Let's start with the good. My last post was about getting rid of the old clothes and making sure all the clothes in the closet were a correct size and not tents to hide in. Well, this leads to the good. I have been approached by so many people at work that have been commenting on how great I look and asking if I had lost weight. I am amazed to admit that my dear husband was correct in telling me that if I wore good fitting clothes I would look better and my 100lbs loss would be noticeable to more than him. (cause he sees me naked) It has also made me feel even better on the inside than I thought it would too. Why did I hold on to those old clothes for so long!?!?!?!?!
The Bad is that we had the flu in our house and it has put a huge kink in the works of my life. As I explained before I have not really worked out in a year. Well, I haven't routinely worked out. My husband and I decided that we would start training for a 5k this year and we would start working out at the first of the year. Little did I know that our house would be struck down to its knees. My oldest son was hit the worst since he had not had his shot yet and the others of us just got sick with different symptoms of it. This was last week and I can only pray that it does not come back to visit for the rest of the year.
The Ugly is mucus cement. Yeah, it is as gross as it sounds. I had my gallbladder removed about a month ago and since then I have had a sinus infection, nasal drainage and just anything you can think of that means my nose is runny. But not the kind of runny that can be blown into a tissue but this sort of constant not noticeable drainage that is killing my pouch. It got really bad about a week or 2 ago and I couldn't even drink water without purging it back up. When I would drink anything I could feel it just sit in there and it foam up and then I would start burping and then it would come back out all think and nasty. (I did warn you) It was also not allowing me to eat any food but Cheetos puffs because my pouch was clogged. Fearing a slipped band I got on the Internet and did a search on sinus drainage and lapbands and it turns out it is a common problem in the band world. The mucus sits in the pouch and becomes like cement and clogs everything up. It was bad for me because I was choking at night and puking 24 hours a day so after a week of very little sleep, no liquids or food I was ready to call the band and break up with it. I just didn't think I could make it anymore. My husband (always the knight) told me to be patient and that we would work together to get through it. He discovered that warm jello (don't add the cold water) went down and broke up the mucus so I could get both liquids and calories (as much as jello might have) and it helped so much. I have now graduated to soups and last night I slept the whole night without puking once. I am so praying that tonight will be the same and that I will graduate to solids soon. I am just hoping the worst has past because I don't know if I can do that again!
So that was my good the bad and the ugly story. I am sure my life will be filled with them but at least they keep it interesting.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Well, I did it. I have now rid myself of all clothing that I wore 100 pounds ago. I did keep my largest pair of jeans to be a reminder but my husband took me to the Dillard's sale today and pretty much told me I was no longer allowed to wear the shirts I wore before starting this journey after today. I know it sounds strange but I am a very frugal person and to me it seemed logical that if they were still nice to wear them. My husband does not agree. For the past month he has been making me judge my clothes in a full length mirror and we both had to rate it as keep or go and I started to understand what he was saying. As long as I was wearing the same clothes I still saw myself as 100 pounds heavier and from the way they hung on me it made me still look heavy too. I guess that fat girl in me will always thing that if it is baggy it will hide my fat. Well, it hid more than my fat it hid me. I didn't realize that those clothes were a security blanket. That as long as I had them I didn't have to worry about something feeling a little tight or even mentally moving on as a more confident woman. I am sitting on my bed at this moment surrounded myth old clothes am I am sad packing them up to give away. I remember what memories I had in different ones or how it felt when I was actually able to find a pretty 4x shirt. Now my closet and dresser are full of new clothes and I new to accept that the new me is ready to put them on and continue in my new life. I wonder if anyone else had issues finally putting away clothes or if I am the only crazy sentimental fool out here.