Thursday, October 7, 2010

What I am looking forward to....

So I noticed a thread on where we were asked what we were most excited about and looking forward to as we lose weight.  Here is my list.

Riding Rides at a theme park or fair-  This one is pretty important, I have 3 kids and I hate that I can't ride rides with them.  My oldest is 9 and he is starting to discover the older rides but doesn't want to ride by himself.  I am currently trying to find one of his friends or cousins that will come with us so that he has a partner. 

Not worrying about breaking, fitting in or looking funny in a seat, booth or theater seat.
Only a fellow fat person would know the woes of this story.  I hate walking into a room and the only chairs they have are these weak looking things that I know will scream for help when I sit on it.  I hate it.  I hate booths and I hate that I have to slide in under the armrests at theaters.  I can't wait until I can fit in chairs.  Oh, BTW, I am currently 20 pounds over the weight limit of my office chair.  I am so scared that I am going to break it and have to explain to everyone that the fat girl broke her chair.  Mortifying!!!!!

Feeling as sexy has my husband thinks I am- He is such a great man but I hate meeting his work friends or people from his past because I know when they see me they don't know why he married me.  I always feel bad for him because he has to escort this fattie around and show her off. Of course, he doesn't see it that way and continues to comment and praise me for being sexy and beautiful but it doesn't change what I see in the mirror.  I can't wait until I really do look as great as he says I do.

Wanting to shop for clothes and shoes- We all know this one.  I hate shopping for clothes and shoes because nothing ever fits and it just makes me feel worse.  I can remember a time when I LOVED to shop but that has been a long time ago.  I hope that it is still as fun as it was in the 90's.

Moving- Right now when I move around it hurts.  My knees, my back, my feet, my name it and it hurts.  I am so excited that I am on a path now that will help me feel energy and take away some of that pain. 

Crossing my legs or sitting comfortably- I tell people I move around a lot because I am fidgety but really it is because my lower fat roll is so large that it puts my legs to sleep if I am in one position for too long.  If that doesn't happen then my back will start to hurt or my butt will fall asleep.  Much less embarrassing to just say that I can't sit still.

Being able to eat in public or be in public-  wow, I have convinced myself that everyone talks about me when they see me.  I know, it makes me sound vain but still I guess I am just that self centered that I feel like perfect strangers are so shocked by a 300 pound woman that they have to talk about it.  Oh, and I hate eating in public.  I can just hear the thoughts that (I imagine) they are thinking, "she could miss a few meals", "Is she going to order everything on the menu"  and I don't even want to guess at what they say at the Chinese buffet when I walk up to the food.  Sigh.

TMI-  There are a lot of other things that are kind of TMI.  Things about sex, BM's, showering, wiping, periods and my body in general that I might get into later but will hold off for now. 

I get so excited when I think about my future now.  So excited that I now have the opportunity to take back my life and be happy, healthy and whole again.  I want this so bad for myself, my husband and for my kids.  I know that it is going to take time and that it will not be easy but any small step is at least a step as long as it is in the right direction. 

Update on weight loss-  Soooo, I have lost the 3 pounds I gained over the weekend and now need to lose 2 pounds by tomorrow to still be on schedule.  At least I can say that I have not cheated and that I work out and have done everything I can to meet my goal even if I don't make it. 

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