Monday, October 4, 2010

Getting nervous

Well, I found a new resource that I can use to talk with other lapband people.  The forum is called  and it is really great because it is tons of people that have been or going to be banded all over the place.  I still like the OCC forum but it doesn't get updated very much and so it doesn't have as much to read and participate in.  This one even has a board for people that have a BMI over 50 and that is me.  I am at 53 right now down from 56 but still above the 50 I need to be at in three weeks.  And that brings us to why I am getting nervous.  So, I have been reading a lot from people that are over 50 on the BMI and I noticed a theme where they would get to the surgery and find out that the liver was too fatty to put the band on. That would break me down so much if that happens to me and I can't help but worry that it will.  I am still 15 pounds above what I need to be for my surgery and I have less than 3 weeks.  What makes it worse is that I keep going through periods of gaining.  For example, I gained 3 pounds in 2 days.  I did not change my eating or anything.  I just gained for some weird universe type of joke on me.  I guess it is my fault, I must have overdone it on the celery and snap peas, or maybe it could have been the sugar free jello, or perhaps it was the adkins shakes.  I know it must have been the work outs, I hear they are pretty fattening.  It just makes me so angry that I gain weight on nothing!  I don't even cheat and I put on weight.  It is just stressing me out.  I have to lose this weight but nothing I am doing seems to be fixing it.  What else can I cut?  Maybe if I breath less it will help.  Air seems to be high on carbs and goes straight to my fat rolls so I guess I will now cut out air.  I really don't want to get all the way out there and be told that I am too fat to lose weight and not get banded but if I don't find a way to get this off that is what will happen.  This pity party has 8 more hours and then it will be back home and on the elliptical for the second time today. Fat girl out.

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