loss chart to date.

So I was updating my spreadsheet and realized just how far I have come since September.  I am very proud of myself and excited that I am continuing to lose weight even before my fill.  A few weeks ago I was so worried about the weight gain and once again my husband was right and said that it would start working again.  I am excited to see how things move after the fill.  Here is my chart so far.
9/1/10 - 348.9
9/10/10- 334.9
9/17/10- 335.6
9/24/10- 333.3
10/1/10- 327.3
10/8/10- 326.3
10/15/10- 323.8
10/22/10- 318.4  Surgery date
10/29/10- 313.7  Week of liquids only
11/5/10- 320.1 Creamies (not good for my diet)
11/12/10- 322.8 still on creamies
11/19/10- 319.6 After first week back on solids
11/26/10- 313.7

NSV (non scale victory)

i had an NSV this weekend.  I am in a 26 without wondering.  My sister was found some old clothes she had and let me go through them.  Most of the clothes were way far off on the goal line but I found a few 26 and 24 items that I felt would be good to have on hand since my other clothes are kind of starting to be baggy and in the case of the 30's just plain falling off when I walk.  Of course the 24's are still too tight to wear in public but the 26's fit without problems!  I am very excited about this and can't wait until I really start flying through sizes.

What is "full"?

This is a question that I am asking myself a lot these days.  What does full feel like?  How do I know I am full?  What is the difference between full and stuffed?  These are all really good questions that I am investigating. 

I am learning that being full does not mean the same thing anymore for me. I am learning to listen to my body and what it is telling me over what my mind is telling me.  I know I am full when I have stopped eating to fulfil my nutritional needs and keep eating to meet my mental needs.  I have heard that some lap band people have a "soft stop" signal that tells them they are full and is a warning that if they keep eating they will be sick.  I haven't found mine yet but I have a few suspects that I am experimenting with.  I have noticed that I do a sort of belly burp type of thing (all inside not a huge burp) or other times I kind of breath deeper.  Both are examples I have seen and there are a few more that I am curious about, some people get a runny nose (sinus season so this won't work) and others get the hiccups.  I did get hiccups today while eating so I stopped and listened to my body and realized I was good to stop eating.  I will keep you updated on "soft stops". 

I am also learning that there is a huge difference between full and stuffed.  Being full means being satisfied but being stuffed means eating almost to the point of pain and sickness.  I have always done this as I have posted before and will probably always fight the urge to do this.  I get caught up in what it tastes like that I forget to stop when I am satisfied.  I will just keep eating.  This has been a learning thing with my band too.  I am making my plate now with the same serving size that I am giving my two youngest children.  Yes, it satisfies me but I will still look longingly at my husbands plate and wonder why I am not eating more.  Then I mentally feel out my body and realize it is because I am full already.  I am retraining myself to recognize full as satisfied and not as stuffed.  Harder than you think it is. 

I am also learning that I don't eat as often either.  I had a mid morning snack the other day and then on my way home from work realized that I did not eat lunch, nor did I miss it.  This surprised me and I started testing myself.  I am not skipping meals or anything but i am not snacking now unless my stomach is actually grumbling that it needs something.  It is also the moment that proved to me that I need to start plating my dishes in smaller portions too since I no longer "needed" the larger amount.  So far so good.  I have not been on a diet this week but lost 3 pound and I am now back at my surgery date weight!  I have a sneaking suspicion that this is from eating until I am full and not a bite more. 

Solid foods!!!!!

Oh, I never thought I would learn to hate soup and creamy food but I really did get tired of it!  I am finally able to eat solid food and it was great!  To be able to chew and bite and feel the food stay in your tummy instead of just sliding right through has been great.  I have learned a few things though that I will share. 

1.  Now that I am on solids I fill up way faster and stay that way longer.  For example, when I was on the creamies and liquids I would fill up fast but be hungry again an hour later.  However, on solids I will use today for an example, I had some club crackers at 7:30 am and it is not 12:16 and I am still not hungry.  Mentally I want to go and eat something and I have been dealing with this all weekend but physically I am fine and so I will listen to my body and not my mind on this and not eat until I am physically hungry.

2.  Bread is still a no go.  Not because of carbs but because apparently I am not able to take small enough bites and chew it well enough for it to not get hung up and hurt like crap.  Talk about a behavior modification tool!  I am terrified of that feeling again so I am going to wait on bread until I am in better control of myself and the way I eat.  Crackers seem to be fine but not bread.  That's fine since I really don't need carbs anyways.

3.  I am more aware of what I am eating now and why I am eating.  I mentioned the mental hunger before and it is amazing how much that plays a part in eating.  I will be sitting at my desk and start thinking I need to get a snack.  Not because I am hungry but because it would be something to do and would taste good.  Having the band is helping me recognize those thoughts and habits.  I am still a long ways off from mastering it but at least I can see what is happening.

I only gained 2 pounds this past week but that is fine.  Before the surgery I was eating about 500 or less calories a day and less than 5 carbs.  I do not want to eat like that now that I have met the pre op goal and can slow down and do this a healthier way.  My body just needed time to adjust to the higher calories and carbs.  Hopefully, I can get this under control and start losing again before my fill appt in december.  That's right I made the appointment but more on that later.

Post surgery.

Day four and since:

The trip home was pretty rough.  It was a long flight, tiny seats and lots of gas pain.  If I was doing this again I would have booked first class on the way home, just for the extra room to move.  It was also kind of hard doing the whole security thing at the airport after surgery.  I forgot I was not supposed to bend over and hurt myself a bit taking my shoes off and putting my bad on the scanner thing. Oh I forgot to tell you that it took us 2.5 hours to get across the border so keep that in mind when you book a flight out.  Anyways,  I was so glad when we finally made it back to our house and then immediately into bed.  The gas pain was pretty intense by this time and it was even uncomfortable to lie down.  I could actually see it move under my skin, like when I was pregnant.  I pulled several pillows from our couch and slept in an upright position for the most part.  This was fine by me since I was so tired I just crashed. 

I had an additional 2 days I took off for work to “recover” and I am glad I did.  I needed that time to work out the gas and to adjust to everything.  I was dizzy and light headed because of the lack of food and calories (still only a couple of ounces at a time) and slept a lot too.  My husband redboxed several movies for me and stocked up on the creamy soups and popsicles that would be my diet for the next 2.5 weeks.  I walked a bit to since that was the only cure for the pressure.  The swelling was really odd too, my belly was lopsided and bruised.  After a few days this went down and I started to be able to eat more.  By Thursday (7 days) I was able to sip on a 10oz soup over an hour and finish it.  This made things a little happier for me.  I lost 6 pounds in the first week.

Week Two:

I started the creamy stage and even though it was better than the broth stage I learned that it is not low carb.  I just finished my second week and I gained back the 6 pounds and had a bit of a sob fest because of it.  I mean, total breakdown, why did I waste 6,000 dollars if I can’t lose weight type of breakdown.  Lucky for me my husband was very patient, understanding and loving while I vented and cried.  He even had great advice and after a night of pouting I took it to heart and feel much better.  He was right, I only have one more week of this creamy diet and then I can get back to the low carb diet that I have already proven that I can stay on.  He also reminded me that the band is not working until I start getting fills and that I need to not expect the weight to just fall off but to be patient and work hard.  He told me that one day I will be losing weight easier and he will remind me of the night I broke down and how far I have been since then.  I hope he is right and now I am just waiting until the time and money for the fill happens.  Wish me luck!

The Day After

Day three:

I slept better than I thought I would that first night and only had to wake my husband up once to roll me off of my port.  We even managed to sleep in a little.  I had another photo shoot because I wanted pics of post op scars to show what it looks like.  Again, I will post these soon.  I still felt pretty good and decided to hit the road and see what Tijuana had for tourists. 

My husband ate breakfast at a Carl Jr’s that was a few blocks from the hotel and I had a few sips of his juice.  I was just still not up to drinking much.  We then caught a taxi and headed to the Revolucion Ave. to spend some money and have fun.  It was so much fun!  The colors, smells, noise and shops were great.  It was just was we needed to feel like we were doing something cool and fun on our little trip.  We quickly learned that you can get anything for 5 dollars and that my husband does not like to barter for lower prices.  We took our time in walking around since I was still a day out from my surgery but the walking was great for the gas pain.  I would suggest this outing to anyone who has the surgery as a way to keep you active and your mind occupied.  After about 5 hours I started to feel tired and a bit sore so we got a ride back to the hotel and took a nap. 

For dinner we went to subway….I know, but it was close and I was tired.  I actually made it about a halfway through a Gatorade!  We then decided to head in for the night and rented a movie on the TV and posted our pics on facebook.  We stayed up til 9 pm and actually got to see what the city looked like after dark through our window!  Overall, I was a little sore, a little dehydrated and a lot tired but still excited and happy.  All of that put together made for a great night of sleep with the aid of my pain meds!

Surgery Day

Day Two:

I guess when you go to bed at 5pm you are destined to be up and awake by 4 am.   This worked out great since our oldest son was calling to wish me luck and to tell me that he loved me.  With all that extra time before meeting our driver at 7am, we were able to relax, take some pre op pics and enjoy a Mexican sunrise.  At 6:30 we headed down to the hotel restaurant for Mr. Fat Girl’s breakfast and learned something, do not eat at a hotel restaurant the food is not that great and it is way over priced.  We then hopped in the van and headed to the clinic. 

Once at the clinic I started to really get nervous.  They took me back and handed me a gown and a paper thong.  Um, that’s right, I said paper thong.  What is sad is that the paper thong didn’t even fit that well.  Talk about kicking a fat girl when she’s down!  My husband got several stink eyes over his inability to not laugh at the thong and helped me into the gown.  The nurse came to put in my IV and I have to say she was great!  I met her the day before and was told that she would be my nurse for the entire process and was pleased at how easily she located my veins without constant poking and prodding.  Once I was hooked up to an IV, paper thong, gown and really tight hose were in place I was shown to my room.  It was actually quite homey and comfortable.  However, the hour wait after that was not good.  I could feel the nerves starting to build and my brain was running so fast that I am pretty sure our neighbors thought something was on fire.  My husband kept trying to entertain me and we even watched a little TV but I kept thinking over what was about to happen.  Finally the Doctor came in to talk with me about the band and to assure me that everything would be great and then I was taken to the operating room. 

The operating room was just like all operating rooms and just as cold too.  They laid me down on the table, strapped me in and then the Doctor introduced me to the others in the room.  After that he started asking me questions about my life at home and all of a sudden he started to unfocus and the sounds of everything started to echo, he mentioned something about being tired and then I was out.  The next thing I remember is waking up and not thinking the surgery had happened yet.  Apparently, I woke up really loud and entertaining to all and my husband was sweet enough to use the video option on his phone and record the whole thing.  I have yet to watch this and probably never will, I will, however, remember this and do the same thing to him.  I was told that I need to let doctors know from now on that I wake up really quickly from anesthesia and might try to pull out breathing tubes, IVs and such.  I relaxed for about 45 minutes listening on and off to my husband making the calls to let loved ones know that all was well and then I decided that I was tired of resting and ready to move.

My husband helped me up and we started walking up and down the halls.  This was actually not that bad.  Maybe it was the meds or maybe I have some super hero power of not feeling pain but I was scooting along pretty well.  To be honest I just needed to keep moving to keep my excitement from getting on peoples nerves.  I made it!  I was banded and about to start on my new life!  Plus they said if I was moving around and doing fine they would let me go back to the hotel and not stay overnight.  I then proceeded to walk rounds for the next couple of hours and sit and read when I needed a break.  The nurse brought me a Popsicle for lunch and a Capri sun after that and I was amazed that it took me hours to get done with the Capri sun.  At 4pm I was sent back to the hotel with pain meds, post op diet and the sweetest husband in the world.  It was good to be able to stay with him instead of the clinic that night and worth the laps.

We ate dinner in the restaurant that night, again not good and overpriced, he had fajitas and I had about 2 tablespoons of broth.  I have to insert here that I really hate broth, I have never liked it and knew that the next three days would not be fun if I had to keep drinking broth.  We then walked back up to our room and I felt bad that he was stuck with me all night instead of being able to party around town.  We snuggled up and enjoyed a quiet night.  OH, we did manage to stay up until 7pm!

I am a banded woman!

I have been banded now for a week and so far so good.  I meant to start posting about everything before now but life happened and for some reason my computer kept deleting what I had written so like any good southern girl I threw a fit and refused to post for a couple of days.  I am going to break up my trip into several posts so that nothing is too long and it builds suspense.  Also, as soon as I get a chance I will upload pics of my body before and after surgery and you can see quite clearly why I needed this surgery.

Day one:

We got started at 4am to make our flight but I was so wired that I don’t think that the sleep was missed.  I was fasting by this point for my pre op tests but again….stress made it an easy fast.  I am amazed that I was able to squeeze my hips into the plane seats and was lucky enough to have my husband as my neighbor on all the flights.  I had packed books, music and movies in the hopes of a nice relaxing flight but nothing kept my interest long and I could only focus on what was coming up.  When we landed our driver was already waiting for us so I had no time to wait and be even more nervous because it was a short ride across the border and straight to the clinic.

The clinic was surprisingly nice, very comfortable, friendly and clean.  I signed in with the front desk and sat in the waiting room until they were ready to do my tests.  As I looked around I noticed several other patients and took advantage of the time by getting to know those that had the surgery earlier in the week.  It was great to be able to talk with others that were tired of riding the weight loss roller coaster and making the same choice that I was.  I didn’t have that long to chat since I was quickly called back to start testing.

If you recall I was more nervous about the pre op stuff than the actual surgery.  Was my liver too fat, is my heart strong enough…. Lots of things could go wrong and prevent me from getting the band.  I should not have worried.  Dr. Miranda, my nutritionist, besides being beautiful is also a caring and helpful person.  She was so excited about my 30+ lbs loss and said that my liver was going to be fine.  She also took the time to give me my goal weight (160lbs) and to go over my new eating style.  I was very sad to hear that I have to wait at least 6 months before I can have soda…..  I am going to miss my caffeine free diet coke!  They continued to stress that the band is not a magic cure to fat but it is a tool that as long as it is used properly will help me meet my goal.  Next was the blood work, Cardio test and breathing test and then I was cleared to be banded and sent on my way to the hotel.

First things first, the hotel was great.  It was beautiful, clean and well staffed.  We unpacked our stuff and decided to follow drs orders and have a last meal before I became a banded lady.  We went to the Fonde Argentine, (sp) which is an argentine steak house and it was so good.  I would fly back just to eat at this place it was that good.  The steaks were huge and seasoned perfectly and the atmosphere was great.  The only downside to my last meal was that I did not factor in that I have barely eaten for 2 months and so I had one roll, ¼ of my steak, some molletts (delish sweetbread meat) and about 6 french fries.  We took the rest back to the hotel and settled in for the night.  Since we were in Tijuana and things are pretty dicey there at the moment we did not want to be out after dark and that was fine because at  4 pm their time it was 6 pm our time and we had been up a long time.  I am sad to say that we were asleep before the sun had even set.  Before crashing we did order room service for some cake and had fun watching the Spanish tv, oh and the bed was great!