The flu, my clothes and mucus cement....

I just kind of feel like the past two weeks has been a reality show called the good the bad and the ugly.   It has been rough and there was a time or two that I wanted to go to the hospital and ask them to remove my band because I didn't think I could take it anymore but, now that my period has started and my drainage is clearing up, I am able to think clearer and more sanely and look back at what has happened. 

Let's start with the good.  My last post was about getting rid of the old clothes and making sure all the clothes in the closet were a correct size and not tents to hide in.  Well, this leads to the good.   I have been approached by so many people at work that have been commenting on how great I look and asking if I had lost weight.   I am amazed to admit that my dear husband was correct in telling me that if I wore good fitting clothes I would look better and my 100lbs loss would be noticeable to more than him.   (cause he sees me naked) It has also made me feel even better on the inside than I thought it would too.  Why did I hold on to those old clothes for so long!?!?!?!?!

The Bad is that we had the flu in our house and it has put a huge kink in the works of my life.  As I explained before I have not really worked out in a year.  Well, I haven't routinely worked out.   My husband and I decided that we would start training for a 5k this year and we would start working out at the first of the year.  Little did I know that our house would be struck down to its knees.   My oldest son was hit the worst since he had not had his shot yet and the others of us just got sick with different symptoms of it.  This was last week and I can only pray that it does not come back to visit for the rest of the year.

The Ugly is mucus cement.   Yeah, it is as gross as it sounds.  I had my gallbladder removed about a month ago and since then I have had a sinus infection, nasal drainage and just anything you can think of that means my nose is runny.  But not the kind of runny that can be blown into a tissue but this sort of constant not noticeable drainage that is killing my pouch.  It got really bad about a week or 2 ago and I couldn't even drink water without purging it back up.   When I would drink anything I could feel it just sit in there and it foam up and then I would start burping and then it would come back out all think and nasty.  (I did warn you)  It was also not allowing me to eat any food but Cheetos puffs because my pouch was clogged.  Fearing a slipped band I got on the Internet and did a search on sinus drainage and lapbands and it turns out it is a common problem in the band world.   The mucus sits in the pouch and becomes like cement and clogs everything up.  It was bad for me because I was choking at night and puking 24 hours a day so after a week of very little sleep, no liquids or food I was ready to call the band and break up with it.   I just didn't think I could make it anymore.  My husband (always the knight) told me to be patient and that we would work together to get through it.  He discovered that warm jello (don't add the cold water) went down and broke up the mucus so I could get both liquids and calories (as much as jello might have) and it helped so much.  I have now graduated to soups and last night I slept the whole night without puking once.   I am so praying that tonight will be the same and that I will graduate to solids soon.   I am just hoping the worst has past because I don't know if I can do that again! 

So that was my good the bad and the ugly story.  I am sure my life will be filled with them but at least they keep it interesting.

Harder than I thought

Well, I did it. I have now rid myself of all clothing that I wore 100 pounds ago. I did keep my largest pair of jeans to be a reminder but my husband took me to the Dillard's sale today and pretty much told me I was no longer allowed to wear the shirts I wore before starting this journey after today. I know it sounds strange but I am a very frugal person and to me it seemed logical that if they were still nice to wear them. My husband does not agree. For the past month he has been making me judge my clothes in a full length mirror and we both had to rate it as keep or go and I started to understand what he was saying. As long as I was wearing the same clothes I still saw myself as 100 pounds heavier and from the way they hung on me it made me still look heavy too. I guess that fat girl in me will always thing that if it is baggy it will hide my fat. Well, it hid more than my fat it hid me. I didn't realize that those clothes were a security blanket. That as long as I had them I didn't have to worry about something feeling a little tight or even mentally moving on as a more confident woman. I am sitting on my bed at this moment surrounded myth old clothes am I am sad packing them up to give away. I remember what memories I had in different ones or how it felt when I was actually able to find a pretty 4x shirt. Now my closet and dresser are full of new clothes and I new to accept that the new me is ready to put them on and continue in my new life. I wonder if anyone else had issues finally putting away clothes or if I am the only crazy sentimental fool out here.

100 Lbs Lost and the past year of my life

I have not posted in almost a year but that does not mean I fell off the band wagon or anything like that.  I have just been in a whirlwind of crazy in the 2011 year and I am hoping that I can get things settled enough to continue the mission of this blog on keeping people updated on my progress and any complications that I might have as well as the blessings of my band.  

As you can see from the title I have passed the 100 pounds lost mark.  This took 2 years and was such a wonderful milestone to hit.   For those of you that have read past posts you know that I hover at certain weights for a couple of months and then will drop 5-10 pounds and then hover some more.   I hovered at the 90-95 pound range for like 3 months and it was getting old.  Then I started getting sick and couldn't keep anything down and started having acid problems.   Well, my mind went straight to a band slippage and I was terrified that I was going to have the band removed.   During this time I kept getting closer and closer to the 100 mark and finally hit it.  I also went to the doctor and was told I had gallstones.   It turns out that a high weight loss can create gallstones and the symptoms feel like a slipped band too.  I am now stone free and 100 pounds lighter.  I added the bit about the gallstones just incase anyone else out there is having this issue and want answers.  It hurt in my chest and right shoulder blade and I had huge reflux issues.  Anything I ate or drank came back up within minutes of ingesting it.   Go to a Doctor and get help if you have these symptoms.  Better safe than sorry.

Now that I have gotten the good news out of the way I will update on the past year.  I am still sucking it up on the fitness side of things.  I was doing the couch to 5k late spring and then quit because of rain and heat.  you know what happens after that....... lose the habit and desire to start back up.   To help with this my husband and I have decided to train for the Color Run in our area next fall and will train all year for it.  We are pretty excited and hopefully working as a couple will help push those cobwebs out and get me moving again.  I am now off of all medications and feel great.   Still being 247 pounds means that I am still obese but I am no longer morbidly obese.  That was a big deal for me.  I am now "just Fat" and not "crap, I am going to die" Fat.  I finally got rid of the last of my pre surgery pants and I am now listening to my husband and replacing any other clothes that I wore 100 pounds ago.   He says I need to accept that I no longer fit them and move on.  It is harder to do that mentally than I thought it would be.  I still worry about if I will fit in a seat or if something will break if I step on it.   I still feel that 100 pounds mentally.  I am getting better and have even started letting people take pics of me instead of hiding or making faces so that it is my humur they laugh at and not my fat. 

I hope that everyone is still working hard on goals and that you forgive me for my silence.  I promise to update more than once a year. 

Fat Girl.

- week

268.9

I have finally actually hit the 80 lbs loss mark!   I have been hovering around it for two months and I finally passed over.  Now knowing my body I might play footsie for a few more months but still I made it this far!  I am very excited and hope that I can continue this .5-1lbs weekly loss.  

So, I started taking ambien a few weeks ago because I just couldn't continue using Nyquil and simply sleep to try and knock myself out.  I was worried at first that I would start sleep eating like others on the medicine do but I guess taht since I am so careful during the day that deep inside my body knows that with the band I can't eat after a certain time.  Either that or it is the fact that my husband does most of the cooking and I am lazy in my sleep.  Anyways, since there is a proven sleep action thing with ambien I have been thinking of my eliptical each night before I nod off to dreamland in hopes that I could start doing my workouts in my sleep.  No such luck!!!!!! It seems that my body really is lazy while sleeping and refuses to suck it up and be the grown up in this team.  Oh well!!!!

Week in evaluation:

food:  Pretty good but could be way better  (I'm looking at you oreos!)

Water:  Really great!

Workouts:  TOM was my excuse this time. 

Mental:  I am still in a good place right now but I get frustrated sometimes because we are so busy and I can't just eat something quick or grab a sandwich so I get upset and then that makes it really hard to eat.

- Week

270.9

I am so happy to be back where I was before my Grandma died in december.  I wasn't even stress eating in the way that I did before my band.  Since my band I have noticed a different kind of stress eating.  When I get stressed out my band gets really tight and I can't eat anything so what do I turn to?  That's right, sliders.  However, instead of using broths, soups and protien shakes to feed my stressed out body I use ice cream, chips and anthing else that will slide right by.  It is so funny how I keep learning things even after a year.  The fat girl in me has adapted and mutated to fit it's current conditions!  I guess I need to watch her so she doesn't take over again. 

- week

273.3

I am done this week and back to what I was before the holidays. We have still not put or elliptical machine back up from christmas but all the running around I have been doing seems to be helping.  I am trying to be more observant about what is going in my mouth from liquid to solids and trying to keep it all on the up and up.  I am hoping that I can continue making the positive changes needed to continue in my loss and I know that it starts with the little things first.

Food- pretty good considuring I am on my period and only want to eat sliders

Water- I am back up to 4-5 glasses a day from like 1 so again small changes working back up to the 8.

Meds- all there all taken

Workouts- sigh, this is where I am a loser.  I only did one work out this week but it has also been a really bad period. 

Mental- doing pretty well right now.  Getting back into the non holiday groove and I am starting to actually try and wear clothes that fit instead of my old too big clothes.  So hard to kick that comfort of baggy non clingy clothes.



My Fitness Pal

I have a my fitness pal account and I hope that I keep up with it.  I have tried calorie counting websites before and just get so overwhelmed with the constant upkeep that I usually stop.  I hope that I can keep it up though.  At least just for tracking weight and excersise if nothing else.  I know I gotta do something to get off the plateau.  Also, I am going to add another ticker up top for my count down to my 100 mark!